Shadows of My Past

I took a walk tonight. First time in a LONG time. I had it in my head I was going to yoga, but that plan was derailed due to a broken down car situation. As God would have it, however, a walk was more appropriate. When I walk I tend to get really quiet and talk, listen, worship and pray to God. It’s my favorite place. It’s my best place. And I rarely go there. Too much to do. But tonight, I took a walk, and in that short time, in the dark, I was reminded (again) of what God has for me.

I don’t like walking in the dark alone, but tonight I didn’t have a choice. And I kept looking behind me thinking I saw someone following me. I had headphones in, so I couldn’t hear footsteps, but I FELT someone there. Every time I turned, I saw only my shadow, following me. I felt like a kid in that moment and pretended it really WAS someone else. And then I realized maybe it REPRESENTED someone else.

At the beginning of my walk I was rushed yet determined. I was getting some exercise and I wasn’t letting anything stand in my way. I jumped out the door and pushed forward with only one goal: walk for at least a mile and go back home. In my determination, God was able to bust through and remind me that I had a few things to pray for and this was a really good time to take care of that. Several people I know came to mind and I started praying. And it was during that prayer time I kept looking back at my shadow and wondering why I felt so tense and so paranoid. As I continued on and continued to pray and listen to worship music, I heard the words reminding me that God made me just the way I am and he’s been taking me through some really scary stuff in order to get me to where he wants me to be. And as I listened and meditated on those words I felt stronger and less afraid. And I said (to myself), “Yeah! You DID make me and you did a great job! Thank you for all of the challenge you have put me through and what I’ve yet to see.” And it was then that those shadows were no longer following me, but were instead BESIDE me.

I noticed my pace had picked up and I wondered how bad my legs would hurt the next day. But I kept on going, praying and listening. I felt God walking right with me and we talked about a few things and prayed for a few more people together. I love when I feel that connected to him.

As I turned another corner, I saw my shadow stand tall in front of me. And, no matter which way I turned, it was there, stretching out before me. And it made me realize how strong I am because of God and how much he has in store for me. Plans I have no idea about and plans I could never come up with on my own. He’s way cooler than anything I can dream up. And with his strength and with my faith he helps me let go of my past, the me of before, and walks with me on my journey into the new me. And he reveals to me his one and only plan that matters which is that he is for me and has great plans for my life.

I spent last year going through a lot of challenge and change. And through that God is transforming me and showing me an incredible future. I am thankful for the yuck and the hard stuff and the energy to continue on, and I can’t wait to live the plans he has for me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future… Jeremiah 29:11

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. Mark 8:35

This is my first post of 2014 and, even though it’s a couple weeks into the New Year, I feel I’m ready to take this year one day at a time. God revealed to me already that he has incredible plans of healing and peace for me this year. But I have some work to do before that happens. I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you!

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution? What has God revealed to you about this coming year?

The Year of Right Now

Last new year, I declared 2011 the year of ‘non-resolve’. I’d spent too many years setting myself up for failure with unrealistic goals. Allowing myself to just live each day as a new one, and experience life being true to myself proved incredibly fulfilling over the last year.

2012 is no different, yet I feel compelled this year to recognize things in my life that could use some improvement. I could definitely use new underwear. I am embarrassed at the state of this part of my wardrobe. I would enjoy a new makeup look, and an updated exercise clothing collection. My office could use an organization overhaul, and I could use a refresher course in housekeeping. I could be more consistent with my parenting, and meal planning. And I could brush and wash my cats so they shed less. I could practice my penmanship, and spelling, and even brush up on my math skills. I could text less and call more, and meet in person and Facebook less. I could get rid of that ugly white table next to my back door, and find a way to make the litter box less of an eyesore. I could eat more veggies without going totally vegan, and drink more Pepsi without getting addicted. I could manage my weight without obsessing over the scale and I could look in the mirror less and accept myself more. I could use more time with God and less time allowing the world to determine my worth. I could love more and hate less and I could accept more and judge less. I could let my son be just a little more independent and I could let him fall instead of pave the perfect path. I could back off on my words and learn to just listen and I could love others for who they are instead of make them something I think they should be. I could be more of an example and less of dreamer. And I could make things happen instead of wishing they would.

Today is a new day and the start of a new year, but that doesn’t change my circumstance. Every moment brings opportunity for choice and change or just the chance to be joyful about where I am right this minute.

20120101-144250.jpg