For the first time ever, (I think), I included a note in our Christmas card. I don’t really want to call it a letter, because it was only a quarter sheet of paper and was a quick read. I felt the need to include it somehow because I wanted to let people know that life isn’t really unicorns and rainbows as I might portray on social media sometimes.

As real as the letter reads, it’s not the whole truth, but just enough to, hopefully, give a glimpse of the real life happening behind the curtain.

This year life has been really challenging for us. And God told me it was going to be way back in January. And I only half believed him.

I heard the part about how my husband was going to experience some really cool and huge life change this year. But I didn’t expect it to be him losing his job of almost 20 years.

I heard him tell me that he had been preparing me for good and solid challenge. I didn’t hear that it would come by way of my 14-year-old son.

I heard him say he was going to show me pure joy. I didn’t hear that it might only be found by dragging me through some of my past junk so that I would work to let it go.

This year has not been what I expected at all. AT ALL. And when coming off probably the most incredible and spiritually fulfilling years ever (2013), I can honestly say I’m disappointed. God took me through some scary but super amazing stuff last year. And now I feel I’ve been thrown into a pit. Left to die.

I know in my heart it’s not possible for God to give me this year of challenge, of wait, and of change without purpose. I know in my heart that every step, good and bad, he’s taken me through is all to prepare me for what’s next. And I know in my heart God always comes through with something so much more amazing and life-giving that any of my plans.

But I’m tired. And I’m sad.

I want to know His plan for me. I want to get to the good stuff RIGHT NOW. I can’t possibly wait any longer to find out what he has for me.

But I know in my heart I have to. I need to.

I know through all of this God is showing me that I’m still not letting go. That I’m telling him I believe in his plan, but I’m still trying to orchestrate it on my own terms. He knows this. He knows me better than I know myself. And he’s just sitting there waiting for me to finally give up control.

So, as I wrote our Christmas note this year, I presented the idea that maybe our life wasn’t that awesome. And it’s not. But without this time to reflect and learn, we would never grow in our journey. We would stay the same and continue to present a false happiness.

And I’m thankful, SO THANKFUL, that God doesn’t ever give up on me. And that He knows always what’s best for me. And I can’t wait to see how this growth propels me into the next season of our life.

I don’t know what will happen next. But I know that God will redeem our struggles this year and we will all come out the other end full of gratitude and, dare I say, JOY.

May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.                                                                Romans 15:13

What challenges are you facing? Have you really and truly given them to God? What is he telling you?

ps….First blog post since April. APRIL. I can’t ever go this long without doing what I absolutely love…writing! Thanks for reading!