Month: March 2014

What Not To Wear

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Day 18: March 28, 2014

Tonight I saw a 7′ tall bearded man walk into Red Robin wearing overalls. And I was totally okay with it. It was totally his look. He rocked it.

What I’m not okay with is the impending overall trend that is hitting the shelves of both Target and Nordstrom. Overalls on sale for nearly $300. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS PEOPLE!

The last time I knew someone who was not a farmer or worked otherwise where this attire proves helpful, was a friend in the late 90’s/early 2000’s who was pregnant. I was one of the pregnant ones who thought the loose fitting full length denim look was flattering in month 8.

The last time I looked good in overalls might have been my A Smile Gelatis from the 6th grade. Lavender cotton awesomeness with an ice cream cone emblem to boot.

That was 1981.

Here I am in 1990 wearing bleached shortfalls. My now husband is rocking excellent 90's fashion. And my best friend's high waist shorts are up to her neck.

Here I am in 1990 wearing bleached shortalls. My now husband is rocking excellent 90’s fashion. And my best friend’s high waist shorts are up to her neck.

I know in the 90’s the overall trend was big with guys (boy bands) and ladies, even those not pregnant, but we can all agree the 90’s in general was TRAGIC for fashion. Tragic. {see photo}

Is it possible for us to squash this before it goes viral? Can we save people from themselves and fizzle out the trend before it even happens? Who’s behind this anyway? Is it some form of social experiment?

Weird things are happening in the world. Really weird things. Unexplainable things. Please don’t let this be one of them.

#justsaynotooveralls

this post  is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

Until The Next Goodbye

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Day 17: March 27, 2014

Our next door neighbors just moved. 4th family to live in that house since we’ve been in ours. This family was there for such a short time, we didn’t really get the chance to know them well. The two families before that we became good friends with.

But they all moved.

Last summer our best friends moved from 2 blocks away to several thousand miles away. My brother and family moved 6 hours drive time away. My Uncle passed away.

People leave.

Not sure why I have experienced so many goodbyes in the last year. But I know it’s really sucked. My heart feels ripped out. And sad.

What are we supposed to do when we experience loss?

For me, MY answer is to just be sad and feel sorry for myself. I cry a lot about it. I get depressed. I decide that it’s not worth getting close to anyone else because they will probably leave too.

How can we experience life if we shut out opportunities to be with people?

We don’t. When we protect ourselves from hurt by being alone, we don’t ever experience life. God created us to do life with other people. The thing is, we don’t get to choose for how long that is.

People come into our life for a period of time.

If I had it my way, people in my life would stay forever. Of course any mean or annoying ones would not. But those who I adore would always be here with me. They would never move and they would never die.

But God’s perfect time is never the same as mine.

I have a long list of incredible people in my life that I have access to right now. And I’ve pushed them all out because I’m tired from loss. I’m weary from sadness.

And I’m missing out on living life with others.

Who knew it would be so hard for me to reach out and grab hold of my friends? Those who already love me and those who are probably just waiting for me to dig out of my hole. And I’m embarrassed to admit that I think I’ve known I’m intentionally staying here, even when I blame it on busy.

It’s time to let others back in.

And even if I know that people leave, for various reasons, it should never keep me away from enjoying the time I DO have with them. It should never determine my willingness to develop new relationships. It should never keep me from living right now.

Because right now is all the time we have for sure.

As I wrote about yesterday, part of being a Christ Follower is living life differently. One specific thing is to do life with others. Not ever wallow away by myself. And if I’m going all in for this, it’s time to take part is one of the best life-giving experiences ever – people!

Life is so much better with others to share it with!

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
    and the pleasantness of a friend
    springs from their heartfelt advice
Proverbs 27:9

Do you ever find yourself ‘hiding’ from the world? Do you use your busy to protect your heart?

this post  is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

A Narrow Road to Life

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Day 16: March 26, 2014

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
Matthew 7:13-14

These verses really got me thinking yesterday.

As I navigate through my life as a Christ Follower, I struggle, as many do, in understanding why I have to be so different. Why I must do the uncomfortable and follow much of what seems weird to most of the world. The narrow gate and road.

From the outside, it might just seem like I love the Bible, my church, and prayer. And I can see why you’d think that. Because often I write about such things. But certainly this isn’t what it’s all about. Because I know personally people who are great Bible scholars, ‘religiously’ attend church, and pray constantly. But it’s what’s behind all that ‘fluff’ where you see who is really following God.

Wow, that sounds incredibly judgey. So, keep with me here, I’m hoping to bring this around to something good.

The Bible is amazing, and even those who are not actively following Christ can get a lot of great stuff out of it. Real solid good advice and encouragement. Like, don’t sleep with your neighbor’s wife. Stuff like that. And attending church can be really uplifting. Even if you aren’t entirely sold on what is being said. And I don’t know a single person that doesn’t at least use the word ‘pray’ every once in awhile.

These are all GREAT tools and gifts God has given the world.

But it’s the paths we take, the behavior we exhibit, the choices we make, the sacrifices we make that truly mark our willingness to be all in for God. For Jesus.

And these things build character because they are often opposite of what we’ve been used to. What I’VE been used to most of my life. Which makes them uncomfortable, unappealing, and unpopular.

Following the teaching of Jesus means stepping out of your old ways and stepping into new ones. Not just reading the Bible and going to church. And as uncomfortable as they seem, and as weird as they might sound, they are all more life giving than anything that conforms to the ‘norm’.

So, I continue to struggle with my new normal. And I continue to receive life from carefully, and slowly, walking that narrow road. Because what God has for me is more fulfilling than anything this world can give.

Anything.

So what road are YOU on? The wide and open gate of the world? Or the narrow one, the different one, that leads to life?

He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,
2 Timothy 1:9

this post  is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

 

Feeling Her Pain

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Day 15: March 25, 2014

I want your heart to heal. I want to be able to fix it.

I don’t always have to right things to say. But I am always an ear.

I feel your tears. They permeate my soul.

I hurt when you hurt. It takes a piece of me.

My deep breaths gather strength for you. Because you are empty.

My voice, my words, my silence work to pierce through the pain.

There is nothing you or I can do to change the past. It is there forever.

But I can be on the other end of the line. I can keep you in my heart. I can catch you when you fall.

Again.

I am your sister. You are a part of me. I want to be your peace.

Lord give me the strength, the words, the heart to help the healing.

Because she needs it so very much.

this post  is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

The Right Path

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Day 14: March 24, 2014

Lord give me rest.

The tasks, the to dos, the emails, the events, the choices, the effort, the waking hours.

I can’t navigate any of it by myself. But, believe me, I’ve tried.

I’ve really tried.

And each time I find only confusion, frustration, and dead ends.

Because I am trying to work by my own power. By my own strength.

Without calling on the One who is there to support and guide me.

My true to do list is created by God.

It’s not a list at all, but instead a path where God shows me the next best step.

One at a time.

The steps may be hard, and definitely challenging.

But they are always clear and right.

Even if I am uncertain the outcome.

Lord give me rest and show me my next best step.

Guide me away from my path and onto yours.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

Death to Life

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Day 13: March 22, 2014

At the beginning of this year, God told me he had an incredible amount of healing in store for me. And he revealed it to me in a dream. It was so clear and clean and bright. In fact, at first, I thought he was telling me I was going to die. Because it was filled with and open field, blue sky, bright white light, and peace.

In fact, he WAS showing me death.

He was revealing that I would have the opportunity this year to finally work towards letting go of the guilt, the condemnation that I so tightly grip on to. The negative reel that plays in my head constantly. The attention I give to the things in my life I can’t let go of.

He showed me that I can let all of that go by letting those lies die.

God calls us to do two things in life: Love Him with all our heart, our soul, and our mind. And to love others as ourselves. If you don’t analyze this too much, it’s pretty simple. But the reality is more difficult that I’d ever imagined. Because I need to first love myself the way God loves me. I have to receive His love first.

And I have been holding on to the notion that I am not good enough for God to love me.

I really have.

And that manifests itself in a lot of ways. Mostly in my ability to accept love from others in my life and to show others how much I care and love for them. And, to be honest, I thought I just wasn’t capable of getting past the junk to be able to let other people in.

But God has continued to pound the message of I LOVE YOU over and over and over again this past year. And I have been listening, but not yet believing. As a Christ Follower, this is a real tough thing to admit. I’m basically saying that I claim to be far in my walk with God, but have yet to accomplish the first and basic step.

Or maybe I just hoped no one, not even God, would notice that detail. But, obviously, you can’t get anything past God. Doesn’t matter how we sugar coat it. He knows.

He KNOWS.

He knows that I struggle with accepting his unconditional love. He knew it all along. And he knew that it would take a lot of personal experience for me to understand this myself. And to move forward towards opening up my heart fully to him.

And as I s-l-o-w-l-y come to terms with all of this. I see him opening my eyes a little more every day as to WHY I hold my heart so close. And some of it is painful and scary. Some of it, a lot of it, is very surprising to me. And some of it is so obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.

But ALL of it is easily overcome with Jesus at my side. ALL OF IT.

Because of this, I am joyful and I am hopeful. I see God working on his promise to me. And I will continue to work with him one step at a time. Not rushed, not in my own way or schedule. But just as He has planned it. And as we work together on this, we will build our friendship and trust.

And I will find that healing I so desperately long for.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

Don’t Mess With Perfect

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Day 12: March 20, 2014

I’m sitting here watching my 14 year old, and only, son work on a documentary for a national history day competition. He is an aspiring filmmaker and a lover of history. I am in awe of his ability to pull the info together and create such an interesting work.

I was the worst at history. Memorizing facts is like shoving toothpicks in my eyes. It’s torture. And I’m awful at it. My memory, in general, is quite selective.

Thankfully, he got the love of history and ability to retain (what I call useless) facts from my husband. And the imagination and strong will from me. From us both, he got the love of art and all things visual.

He’s incredible. And I’m really just now figuring that out and letting it sink in.

We created him. GOD created him.

And honestly, at 9:00 at night, as he CRAMS to get this done for tomorrow (a quality gleaned from both his parents), I kind of want to scream at him and remind him of how he should have been working on this weeks ago. And I just want to go to sleep, but know that I need to check his spelling.

And as I really begin to understand who he is and who God created him to be, I realize that this last minute work represents who he truly is. He’s creative. He’s full of life. He lets the wind take him to his next destination. He lives in the now instead of the past or the future.

He’s brilliant. He has it figured out. And the world and rules and other people’s opinions are not going to change him.

And I am so very thankful and also jealous.

You can’t mold a creative genius. You can’t ever tell him the way it ‘should’ be. But he will listen and absorb what you say to him. And he will process it. And he will make improvements in his own time.

And really, he’s no different than me. But I’ve somehow let the world change some of my free spirit and creative ways. And I hope I can look to my son to show me a glimpse of that peaceful place. That joyful place. The place where we aren’t inhibited by the view of the world and the box it wants to put us in.

That place where we live out who God created us perfectly to be.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

What Did I Miss?

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Day 12: March 19, 2014

Nothing amazing or inspiring happened today. Just a real life go to work, have dinner, and run errands kind of Wednesday.

Full disclosure: My husband and I maneuvered around the grocery store in avoidance of people we didn’t have the energy to talk to. This meant we sacrificed the ice cream we so desperately wanted. Only to have the same people pull up behind us in line.

We managed zero eye contact and noted later that they did not say hi either. I’m not sure who won that game, but somehow I felt bad about the whole thing.

What if we were meant to see each other and the repeated attempts to head down the aisle for ice cream and the appearance of the family behind us in line were instead opportunities for us to chat? Because I’ve definitely had those encounters, and usually when I gave in to the prompting to say hello they are meaningful.

Sometimes we are presented with great things that we are simply too self absorbed to take part in. And we miss out on something that was part of our path. Part of God’s plan. Thankfully he never stops working on us and never gives up giving us grace for our human behavior.

I’d like to think I’ll be more aware next time he puts someone in my path. And instead of playing it my way, I will trust that his intention is far more rewarding than my few minutes of not talking to anyone.

God help me be present and aware of what you have for me. And give me grace the next time I completely blow it. Cause you know I will.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

The Facebook Chronicles

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Day 11: March 18, 2014

It’s kind of weird to think the last 8 years of my life have been somewhat documented on social media. And even though I don’t want to be all ‘big brother’ creepers out by it, I kind of am.

But, creepers or not, I’m kind of glad because it’s likely I wouldn’t have remembered some of the best (and worst) parts of my late30early40ish life.

Every once on awhile I find myself looking back at photos and posts. I guess I’m sort of Facebook stalking myself. And when I do this, I remember some really cool things that happened and think that my best times must be behind me because I can’t remember the last time my life was so great.

Like when I had way more fun with girlfriends. And I when I worked hard to be in the best shape of my life. And when I looked so smiley and happy. And tan.

And most of the posts and pictures represent the good times. And it’s easy to think life was great for me. And even though I was there, even I am fooled into believing what I see.

Behind all of that awesome certainly lived a lot of yuck.

But that kind of stuff doesn’t read well when people are usually looking at social media hoping to find something better than what they might be dealing with at the time.

Let’s think for a moment about how a lot of us are posting cool/fun/happy stuff to (hopefully) make others think our life is awesome. And when we look at our friends’ cool/fun/happy posts it makes US think their life is awesome and reminds us, perhaps, that ours is not.

But we are all likely in the same miserable place.

And not connecting with each other about, and finding healing for, our real life ugly junk.

Cause we certainly wouldn’t want the world to know we don’t have our stuff together.

I’m thankful to have people in my life who I can share my ugly junk with. And I’m certainly not the most poker faced smiley person you’ll ever meet. And I hope that my honesty about dealing with yuck behind what you might see on social media helps you understand that we are all just trying to get through each day.

And I really do hope that we truly experience a piece of real joy every single day. Even in our mess.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

Lucky Seven Dollar Sweater

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Day 10: March 17, 2014

I wore a ridiculous Freddie Krueger looking sweater today so I wouldn’t get pinched. I bought it at the thrift store for $7 just for the Super Bowl. Its blue and green for the Seahawks. And now also useful for St. Patrick’s day.

The sweater is V-neck with wide horizontal stripes of green and blue. Not flattering at all and slightly creepy looking, of you ask me (read: Freddie Krueger). It fits fine and seems to wash well. Based on the tag, its possible the original owner only paid a dollar more than me.

I don’t know if I’m some sort of Grinch, or I really don’t care about theme based holidays (or football). But I often cave to the peer pressure of outwardly supported said events by wearing festive clothing. So this year I was lucky enough to find this used Target sweater to add the only partially green item of clothing in my wardrobe.

Perhaps this striped beauty will make it to a Sounder’s game or even be turned into a pillow. Maybe I’ll be invited to a green and blue party or need an extra layer when I’m stranded in the snow. Or I might need some new leg warmers to match a spring outfit.

So I’m thankful for my seven dollar sweater that I’ve been able to wear three times now. Even if I think it might come alive in the middle of the night and make me re-live a movie that still scares the crap out of me.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!