I have just returned from my first mission trip. We travelled to Tegucigalpa, Honduras to serve women and children there. My 13-year-old son was with me, along with 29 other amazing people from my church. While I am still processing all that God showed me on this trip, I know whole heartedly now why he called me to Honduras.

I was so afraid to go on this mission. My fear was crippling at times. Mostly it was the feeling of lack of control. Some of it was feeling I couldn’t meet the challenge of serving these people. And, finally, I was afraid of how God was going to change me through this.

A lot of preparation went in to this trip. Lots of meetings with our team, learning dances, extensive packing lists, medications, fund-raising, collecting supplies, and obtaining passports. All of these details helped with the overall organization of our trip and these were the things that caused me the most stress. But what really prepared us were the endless prayers over our team, the daily devotional readings, the bond we were creating with each other, and the plan that God had for each one of us.

My constant prayer to God was to keep me and the team safe from harm. I knew that we needed protection from attacks and from sickness. And I prayed every day that he would walk with us the entire time with a shroud of protection over us. And that he would be our hands and our feet. And he answered that prayer.

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Genesis 28:15

From the moment I stepped off the plane in Tegucigalpa, I felt God grab my hand and walk with me. My fears were left behind on the airplane, and the Holy Spirit took over my entire soul. I was His hands and feet, his voice, his heart. There is no other explanation for the peace I had the entire trip. God’s peace and presence is a power unlike any other.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19

That scripture was given to me from one of the women I serve with at my church before I left. When I received it, I didn’t understand fully why it was just for me and why God had put it on her heart to give it to me. But that’s how God works. He presents us with many messages, and when we listen and reflect on what he has done for us, we start to see his greater plan in our life.

God walked with me and removed my need for control on this trip. Everything we needed was provided for us. A clean place to sleep, nourishing food, safety, and strength. (The details) God also gave me everything I needed to serve the women and children. (His hands and feet)

What I wasn’t ever able to anticipate was what God had for me on this trip; How he wanted to change me. And that scared me most of all. Because change is scary when you aren’t the one handling it. But I now know that when you let God be the one to change you, the result is the most rewarding and powerful feeling you could NEVER imagine without experiencing it.

At one of our meetings, we spent time talking about prayer. Specifically how to pray over other people we feel led to pray for. We knew that the Honduran people we would serve may ask for prayer, or we may ask to prayer for them. And we didn’t know their language, so we had to rely completely on the Holy Spirit to guide our words. During this meeting, we were also asked to spend time asking God to reveal to us some glimpses of what we would experience on our trip. During that quiet time, we wrote down words that came to us. Here is my list:

Broken heart
Woman with beads
Child in a green shirt, orange pants
Hotel worker – female
Spanish
Flowers
Blue shirt man
grass
Carlos’ mom
heart necklace
John 1:15
arch/bridge

As I reflect on our trip, I can honestly say each and every one of the things on the list represents an experience I had there. When I wrote this list, I had no idea God was revealing to me EXACTLY what he had for me on this trip. And what I was most afraid of: Change.

You see, God did change me. And he did it through healing my broken heart. I had love showered on me from these people that I’ve never felt before in my life. There was one woman in particular who showed me to way to healing. Her name is Gloria. Through her love and her prayers for me, I was healed. And I have been praying forever to heal my broken heart so that I could receive love from others. I have been shielding my heart for a lot of my life and it had left me incredibly lonely. And by protecting my heart I had been missing out on the love God wanted for me from others and from the love He has for me. I knew I hadn’t given my whole heart to God, but I didn’t want to admit it. And I believe somehow I knew that’s what God wanted from me on this trip. And that’s why I was so afraid. Because I wanted to keep my heart to myself. I wasn’t ready to let it go. But God opened my heart fully to Him and I felt his full and complete love for the first time.

I will write more about my experience there and how these people didn’t need our love, hope, or faith. But instead, they showed us what it truly means to love God and love others. God bless the people of Honduras for their faith. We have a lot to learn here at home. And I pray I can continue to be God’s hands and feet to show others the way.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1

God showed me that I am worthy of his love. I am worthy to be called one of his children. And I am worthy to do his work in this broken world. And that is what I intend to do.