I am bored out of my mind. Seriously. I have NOTHING going on of any importance or interest. I am embarrassed to admit how many episodes of Gossip Girl and 90210 (the new series) I have watched on Netflix in the past few months. I have spent hours sitting on the couch perpetuating my back issues simply because I have nothing better to do and have a renewed dislike for the gym.

Along with doing nothing, I have been neglecting my blog. I decided that because I am so bored, I have absolutely nothing of importance to share with anyone. I mean, who the heck wants to hear about what B did to S or who Naomi’s latest boyfriend is? I want my blog to be inspiring, funny, encouraging, and important. Trashy tv dramas do NOT fit any of those categories.

But, I am also reminded, thanks to friends that get me, that what people like most about my writing, is the honesty. I agree, I AM a truth teller, but so often have a tough time sharing the UGLY truth about me.

The obvious truth is I want to be perfect for everyone. I want to be loved, and at least liked. I want to do something of importance. I want to contribute positively to this world. I want to affect change in others’ lives. And I want to find joy through all of it.

The current truth is I’ve been feeling lonely, empty, useless, depressed, and bored. I don’t even know what to do when someone else doesn’t need me, or when I don’t have a project to finish. How did I get to the point of having virtually no interests of my own, and no idea what I would even LIKE to do?

I really don’t have time to be bored anymore. I must use this time to face the ugliness so I can move forward. I have to be quiet enough to hear the things I’m drowning out with ‘busy’. I have to look inside myself and make sure I am taking care of ME. This time of quiet, or boredom as I’ve seen it, has presented me with my ugly truth. The truth that I look to find ALL my worth through helping others, and have given up my own joy in the process. It’s time to find myself again, while I have the chance. It’s time to find my real truth and my real joy.