Prayer

Pausing to Heal

taintedfishsticks 4 Comments

Day 8: March 14, 2014 (1 day late)

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 47:10

This is not only one of my life verses, it’s a message I’ve been receiving a lot lately. A LOT. And while I’m in a season of boring, as I call it, I keep wanting for more. More fun, more joy, more anything. Day in and day out right now I’m plugging along tackling one task, problem, issue at a time. And through it all (mostly) I am just existing. Or so it seems.

My existence each day is intentional. Its God’s plan for me to be in a season of still. Because without a time of pause in our lives now and then, we would never have the incredibly painful and rewarding opportunity to transform into who God wants us to be.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 4:18

What God has gifted me is the time and space to explore the depths of who I was and who I am no longer. He has shown me where my hurts and regrets are holding me back from letting go and moving forward. He reminds me daily that I am loved. So loved. And he knows at the core of my soul I don’t believe that.

…and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may he filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 4:19

He gave me incredible opportunities in the past year that stirred my heart in a way that began my revival. And now, in my time of pause, he is holding me close to work on healing. And while I am open to him showing me the pain I hold so close, I have not yet let him fully in to take it once and for all from me.

And mostly, I think I am afraid. I am afraid of the pain I might relive emotionally in order to move past it. And even though I know it will be so freeing, I am scared to let it go.

What pain are you holding on to? What does God want to release you from? Pray and ask him about it today.

this post is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

The Man in the Blue Shirt

taintedfishsticks 6 Comments
Noah, age 13

Noah, age 13

I can’t even begin to explain the power I felt when we entered the church that Sunday. Those who were with me know what we felt. The power of the Holy Spirit was so incredible, it’s like something I’m not sure I’ll ever feel again. But I so want to feel it again.

On our fourth day in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, we had the honor of joining our new friends at their church service. We arrived by bus to a line of welcoming people. They were dressed in their absolute best clothes. We were underdressed in our nicest outfits we brought from home. They shook our hands, hugged us, and welcomed the foreign travellers to their sacred place.

It wasn’t the first time we’d been there. In fact, it was our third day in this place. Previous days we had been entertaining and teaching the children at vacation bible schools, learning masonry as we built walls for a new classroom, and speaking and fellowshipping with the women at a special lunch. The days prior this crude space was transformed by whatever activity we were hosting. But today, they transformed it into a Holy place. One filled will love, hope, and incredible Spirit.

When we entered the service the congregation was singing. The words, in Spanish, were completely foreign to us (no pun intended), but we were captured by them instantly. The worship music was powerful, and coming from just a couple of musicians on stage. The crowd was not just singing, but truly WORSHIPPING the Lord. Hands raised, voices loud, and hearts open. It was impossible not to catch the spirit in the room and become transformed by it.

The service following including dancing from some of the young girls, a very entertaining sermon by our own Pastor (through a translator), and our own VBS dance team performing. I didn’t once feel the heat and humidity, notice that I was standing in dirt, or sitting on a plastic chair. I never took my eyes off the stage, and I never felt my heart more full.

At the end of the service, our Pastor asked all 31 of us to come to the front. He announced to the congregation that we were here to pray for them. And that anyone wanting prayer was welcome to come up to one of us. We had prepared for this moment by learning a little bit about being comfortable praying for people. But certainly we hadn’t learned Spanish. But it didn’t matter. Immediately, a young woman came up to me. I said, “como se llama” (what is your name?) and from there I just prayed. She didn’t need to tell me what she needed prayer for, because God already knew. She just needed someone to lay hands on her and call out to God for her. One after the other women came to me. Some smiling, some in tears, and some in pain. And the whole time I was incredibly humbled to have God use me in this way.

After the service, we said our goodbyes and spent the rest of the afternoon at a tourist shopping destination. It was a great day of rest after several hard days of work, and a wonderful time to spend with our team. During our conversations, everyone spoke about the power of the service we attended. We all felt it.

It wasn’t until the next day that I heard someone on our bus say, “Did you see the picture of Noah and the man with the blue shirt?” I stopped and said, “Did you just say, ‘The man with the blue shirt’?” And then I remembered. During an exercise in prayer before we left for our trip, we wrote down images and words that we felt God was sharing with us. Things he was revealing to us about our trip. And on my list was: “Blue shirt man”.

The photo, included in this blog, is of my 13-year-old son, Noah, praying over this ‘blue shirt man’. He was standing right next to me during the entire prayer time but I was so focused on my prayer I never noticed. This photo became the favorite of the whole group. And it shows how much the Holy Spirit filled all of us that day. Even my 13-year-old son.

If you haven’t already, please read my first Honduras blog, “Broken Heart” to see my list in its entirety. My hope is to blog about each item on that list, because each one had significance during this life changing trip. Proving that God did, in fact, reveal to me what I would experience. I hope you’ll join me as I continue to share my journey.

The multipurpose church building

The multipurpose church building

Thanks for Nothing

taintedfishsticks 9 Comments

Every weekday morning, after my son and husband leave the house, I sit down, with my cup of coffee, and pray. This daily activity is something I sometimes look forward to, but often times view it as a task to check off my list. Coffee? Check. Quiet house? Check. Prayer? Check. Which is then followed by working on homework for one of my three Bible studies. I like my morning routine because it’s just that; a routine. And I do, in fact, feel it starts my day off right, even if it’s just part of my check list.

I learned ‘how’ to pray a couple of years ago. I mean, we are supposed to thank God at the beginning of our prayer, confess our sins (say I’m sorry), and ask him, specifically, for things. That’s my interpretation of what I learned. Yours may be different. What I do know, is that it’s important to thank God for answered prayers and blessings so that I remember He’s actually listening and acting. And is great to apologize for screwing up (again) because it reminds me that I’m not perfect but God loves me anyway. And, finally, be specific in asking him where I need Him the most in my life at any given time.

Admittedly, I often start off with, “Dear Lord (or Dear God), Thank you for my coffee. I’m so thankful Target had Dunkin Donuts blend on sale. It’s my favorite.” This is no joke. I am so thankful for that cup of coffee each morning. And I praise God for inventing coffee beans just for me. I guess this is my small talk with God before I dig into the real stuff. But, I try to be as real as I can with him. Because, I’ve also learned that we are supposed to be real with him. Be ourself when we talk to him; when we pray.

This morning, I started off on my regular program. Poured my cup of coffee (thank you to my husband for making a quick trip to the store to get half in half), and sat down to pray. Then I just kept sitting there. Sipping my coffee. I looked around the room a bit and saw all the same things I see daily. The cats stared at me (which is always creepy) and I sat there with absolutely nothing to say. Until, I blurted out, “Dear God, What am I thankful for today? I have no idea. I guess I’m thankful that my son has a great attitude and that I had a pretty good day yesterday.” Frankly, this was embarrassing. I felt like an ass in front of God. I couldn’t come up with any good reason to be thankful this morning. And that’s just sad. In a pathetic sort of way. Because I realized I have focused so much on what I DON’T have, that I’ve completely forgotten what I DO have.

As I segued into the rest of my prayer, I couldn’t help but feel continued condemnation for my lack of thankfulness. I asked God, as I do every Friday, to provide me a topic for my blog and to speak to me through my reading today. After my prayer, I sat down with my GIANT stack of books, journals, and bible to decide what I would tackle first. I grabbed my bible and decided to do my daily reading from there. Turns out I’m behind a week on that, which led me to read Philippians 4. (side note: God always uses my procrastination to my advantage and provides me just what I need to read even when it’s not on schedule). In reading the whole chapter, here’s what stood out to me:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:12

What I heard in this scripture was that I have not learned to be content with my life. I have not learned to be thankful for everything God provides. And I don’t just mean good things. I also mean not so good things. I should be thankful for the challenges he puts me through. For the tough choices he asks me to make. For the pruning he does in my life and my relationships. For the times he allows me to be sick so I sit and rest. For my failures. For my tears. I must learn to rejoice no matter what and be content in the RIGHT NOW no matter what it looks like. The ‘plenty’ in this scripture is not things or joy or good, but a pure God-filled heart.

I want that. I want that contentment in everything. I want to have a huge list of thanks for God all the time. I want him to fill my heart so that I no longer sense the need for control and that I, finally, let him be my everything, in good and in bad. in plenty and in want.

I’ve decided to change my prayers for the next week. I’ve decided to thank God for what I DO have. To thank him for the junk in my life. To thank him for not answering my prayers in my time. To thank him for sitting back and doing nothing until it’s the right time. Because I want to be thankful for nothing more than God being God.

What are you thankful for? Can you possibly think about thanking God for nothing and still know that He is everything?