Every Sunday that I attend church, I sit in the second row. I sit in the second row for two reasons. One, because I have a hard time paying attention, and, two, I like to sing. I have a hard time with focusing in general. Which is probably one of the reasons I don’t blog enough. You know, because I’m too caught up thinking about too many other things, like, what’s going on next Tuesday, and how many hours until I can have my morning coffee again. Oh, and I’m a terrible singer. But, I digress…..

I learned kind of early on in life, like high schoolish, that I have to work hard at paying attention and absorbing information. I can’t just sit and listen to someone talk, or read something once and have it stick. Rarely does something grab my attention enough to sink in. Except, of course, inappropriate one-liners, and reality tv. But, in high school, I didn’t really understand why I had such a hard time, so I made every effort to sit as close to the teacher as possible. But mostly, I thought I was just not as smart as most of my friends growing up. I say most, because there were things I was better than some friends at, like typing. I honestly felt un-intelligent for most of my life. Despite people telling me the opposite. I didn’t understand that I just learned differently and that the school system wasn’t set up to help me succeed.

Problem is, it wasn’t until I had my son, and watched him struggle in school, that I realized people actually learn differently. I think I figured out recently, that I am what you call a “hands on learner”. There is another fancy name for it, but I don’t feel like looking it up, and, of course, I don’t remember the name. So, when I talk about, act out, draw, build, rhyme, or even sing about things, I’m more likely to remember. Otherwise, I lose interest and focus quickly and start daydreaming. This knowledge could have really helped me in school.

This blog isn’t about the school system, or me feeling sorry for myself. It’s just more about who I am and how I’ve come to understand the world better by setting myself up to absorb more of it. Like, in church, I sit in the second row so I don’t constantly scan the room to see who’s there, and redesign the chair layout in my head. In the second row, I can focus on what the pastor is saying, and, hopefully, what God is trying to say, just to me, on that day. I can also feel the music when the band is playing, and sing as loud as I want, because there is no one in front of me to offend with my voice. (this is not always true, which sometimes distracts me and I lose some of the experience). Also, I can close my eyes when I want and hear the words, feel the moment, and pray to God alone. Sometimes I even cry because it has captured my whole being that much.

The second row at church is one of my favorite places. It’s where I can focus, and experience the moment. Where the message resonates with my soul, and makes a difference in my life. Just like headphones in my ears blasting music so I can blaze through my workout. Or singing in the car to help me remain calm in traffic. Making lists so I can keep on track. Drawing pictures or talking to myself (a lot) to solve a problem. And taking walks to just remove the noise of life.

The world is an amazing place, but one I have to see, hear, feel, and experience one little bit at at time in my own way. In the way God created me; Intelligent, curious, and eager to learn.