life

Second Row

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Every Sunday that I attend church, I sit in the second row. I sit in the second row for two reasons. One, because I have a hard time paying attention, and, two, I like to sing. I have a hard time with focusing in general. Which is probably one of the reasons I don’t blog enough. You know, because I’m too caught up thinking about too many other things, like, what’s going on next Tuesday, and how many hours until I can have my morning coffee again. Oh, and I’m a terrible singer. But, I digress…..

I learned kind of early on in life, like high schoolish, that I have to work hard at paying attention and absorbing information. I can’t just sit and listen to someone talk, or read something once and have it stick. Rarely does something grab my attention enough to sink in. Except, of course, inappropriate one-liners, and reality tv. But, in high school, I didn’t really understand why I had such a hard time, so I made every effort to sit as close to the teacher as possible. But mostly, I thought I was just not as smart as most of my friends growing up. I say most, because there were things I was better than some friends at, like typing. I honestly felt un-intelligent for most of my life. Despite people telling me the opposite. I didn’t understand that I just learned differently and that the school system wasn’t set up to help me succeed.

Problem is, it wasn’t until I had my son, and watched him struggle in school, that I realized people actually learn differently. I think I figured out recently, that I am what you call a “hands on learner”. There is another fancy name for it, but I don’t feel like looking it up, and, of course, I don’t remember the name. So, when I talk about, act out, draw, build, rhyme, or even sing about things, I’m more likely to remember. Otherwise, I lose interest and focus quickly and start daydreaming. This knowledge could have really helped me in school.

This blog isn’t about the school system, or me feeling sorry for myself. It’s just more about who I am and how I’ve come to understand the world better by setting myself up to absorb more of it. Like, in church, I sit in the second row so I don’t constantly scan the room to see who’s there, and redesign the chair layout in my head. In the second row, I can focus on what the pastor is saying, and, hopefully, what God is trying to say, just to me, on that day. I can also feel the music when the band is playing, and sing as loud as I want, because there is no one in front of me to offend with my voice. (this is not always true, which sometimes distracts me and I lose some of the experience). Also, I can close my eyes when I want and hear the words, feel the moment, and pray to God alone. Sometimes I even cry because it has captured my whole being that much.

The second row at church is one of my favorite places. It’s where I can focus, and experience the moment. Where the message resonates with my soul, and makes a difference in my life. Just like headphones in my ears blasting music so I can blaze through my workout. Or singing in the car to help me remain calm in traffic. Making lists so I can keep on track. Drawing pictures or talking to myself (a lot) to solve a problem. And taking walks to just remove the noise of life.

The world is an amazing place, but one I have to see, hear, feel, and experience one little bit at at time in my own way. In the way God created me; Intelligent, curious, and eager to learn.

From Squares to Blogging; How Apple’s Seed Helped Me Grow

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I don’t watch the news, and only find out tidbits of what goes on outside my ‘bubble’ through my Yahoo homepage, and posts on Facebook. Without technology, it’s likely I’d have no clue that anything went on in the world. Like today, when I opened up my browser, and saw that Steve Jobs, Apple co-founder, died today at the age of 56.

In 1983, I was in 8th grade. I remember taking a required computer class where I was exposed, for the first time, to the Apple Computer. It was a medium sized box, with a black screen, flashing rectangular cursor, and green bit map numbers and letters. In class, we were taught how to write a program (code I guess) that would tell the computer to draw lines. The test was to write a program telling the computer to draw a square. I remember being one of the first people to complete the task and thinking, what else do you have for me?

Through most of high school we didn’t use computers, except for keyboarding class. As a Junior, and high school newspaper staff member, we used computers at the old Bellevue ‘Journal American’ to type and print out copy. Then, we ran it through the wax machine and hand pasted layouts that were printed into the ‘Knightlife’. The (olden days) memories of long evenings at the ‘JA’ are a good reminder of how much technology has made the publishing world a lot easier. The following year, when I was the Feature Editor of the paper, our school purchased a few of the Apple II E computers for the journalism department. It was so cool to learn and use Pagemaker to layout our stories and pictures for press.

After high school, if you can believe it, I made it through college without a personal computer. We had access to computers solely for typing papers, which I did a lot of, and had to use the required word processing program issued by the college on a 5.5″ floppy disk. In my last two years of college, in the Interior Design program, we learned a DOS based CAD (Computer Aided Design) program. My early years of learning ‘code’ helped me a lot not only in that class, but in my several years of CAD that followed.

Between high school and somewhere in my thirties, I don’t remember using any Apple products. But at some point, they started showing up at our house. First, my husband was issued a MacBook Pro from work. I mean, from MICROSOFT. He needed to make sure the interface he was designing worked on the Mac. Soon after, our son ‘inherited’ the MacBook, which catapulted his YouTube and general movie making career. Then, when the iPod Touch came out, Santa brought one for our son, followed by one for my husband’s birthday. My son is now on his 2nd MacBook, and, 2 years later, still uses his iPod Touch every single day.

All the while, I have used PCs in the form of desktop and laptop computers. I got an android phone, and occasionally played on the iPod. Until, the release of the iPad. My curiosity stirred for over a year, until I decided it was the perfect tool for writing, something I’ve dreamed of doing for a long time. So, I bought the iPad 2 for my birthday, which, incidentally, is when I really DID start writing. I take it with me everywhere and use it for email, Facebook, looking up recipes, taking notes, helping my son with math and spelling, and, of course, blogging. My true passion in life is to inspire others and make a difference in the world through my writing, and now I have the tool I need to live that out.

Thank you Steve Jobs for your incredible foresight, passion, and innovation that changed the world. Apple, I believe, was the leader in the user friendly computer world, and, I just bet, anyone reading this could write their own story of how this man’s work affected their life.

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Middle School Mom; The Next Generation

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On the eve of my son’s first day of middle school, it finally hit me; he’s growing up.

After an over indulgent dinner at Red Robin,(Noah’s choice), we drove home to the tunes on 106.1 and 92.5. Yes, I let my son listen to these stations. Save your judgement. As all three of us were singing/rapping along, I looked back at him. It was in that moment, when I turned back, that I saw him grown up. He looked even older than he really does. I saw him a few years from now, as a high schooler. That moment of morphing hit me hard and caused me to tear up a little.

With every moment and every stage of his life, I’ve been in awe and proud. I was blessed with an amazing kid, an amazing person. He’s the only child I was given, and he’s not a child anymore.

Sappiness pause. Stay tuned.

The first day of school is always a landmark in time. It’s a time of change, of newness, of hope, and a chance to maybe do things a little better this time around. With every grade change, there in lies growth, both physically and developmentally. As parents, we work diligently to make sure we prepare our kids for what’s next, and hope we haven’t messed up too bad.

I remember when Noah was a toddler and pre-schooler. He was up before us every morning and always had a plan for his day. He was happy, excited, and had a love for life. I was jealous of his state of mind. One unspoiled by his sheltered world. Noah starting talking the day he was born, I think. And in that time of his life, he told me everything. And he didn’t just tell me, but sold me on the story with fluctuation in his voice and animation with his body. Life was so interesting to him and he wanted everyone to love it like he did.

Elementary school came quick, and before I knew it, I was putting him on a school bus on the very first day of kindergarten. A bus that would take him clear into town. My little baby jumped on and rode away, like it was no big deal. This was HIS time, and he was ready for it. I cried hard that day. Tears of sadness, and joy.

The rest of his elementary school ‘career’ was spent close to home in our neighborhood school. I spent a lot of time with him during that time, and buried myself deep in volunteer activities to make sure that school was running just right. Near the end of his 5th grade year, I started feeling that sense of loss, knowing that my time was near. The time where, I too, would have to leave elementary school behind.

Our kids’ school experience isn’t always just about them. We tend to develop a sense of our identity based on where they are in life. Many times we leave our own self behind and get a little too involved in what is happening with them. Maybe we are reliving that time in our lives, or maybe we just have nothing better to do. The day we became moms, our whole lives and purpose changed. And, somewhere along the way, we might have gotten a little too carried away.

It’s our job to nurture our kids, to love them unconditionally, and to prepare them for life. With no training, and just life experience under our belt, we all do this to the very best of our abilities. Sometimes its hard to recognize that our kids are maturing. They seem to do this a lot faster than we want them too. When we catch ourselves enabling, or just smothering our kids, we have to take a step back and realize the pain of change is tough, but worth the growth in our kids (and ourselves).

I’m not sure I realized how much of a change would happen from 5th to 6th grade. No longer will my son be in the protected walls of the elementary school, and I won’t be there making sure everything is running right. He’s at a school now with outside classroom entrances, lockers, PE uniforms, dances, and high schoolers on the bus. He has 7 teachers, a zip up binder, and and loaded up lunch card so he won’t be calling me if he forgets his lunch. On cross country days, I won’t see him until almost 5 o’clock, like he’s been off at work all day.

I have no doubt that he is prepared for this new season in his life. The question is, am I? Its time for me to refocus on myself, and what I can do for this world, while Noah is off preparing to do the same. Even if I don’t know all of his thoughts and plans, I look forward now to even tidbits of information he gives. He’s not that talkative pre-schooler anymore. He likes to pick and choose what he shares with me, just like every other pre-teen.

With the new school year, and a new school for my son, it’s time to let go more than just a little. I wasn’t allowed to walk him to the school bus, and only got in a couple of pictures of the first day outfit. He got up on his own, showered, dressed, and even made his breakfast. He checked his email and headed off to the bus stop. The very same bus stop I stood and watched him ride off that first day of kindergarten.

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