life

Project: Friendship

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bff1Make a list of the moments in your life when you’ve had to start over building new friendships. Which were the most challenging? The easiest? What made the difference? (From “Wonderstruck” Bible Study by Margaret Feinburg)

It’s been a few weeks since I answered this question during my daily homework session. But the thought continues to resonate through my entire soul. Certainly I couldn’t imagine a time when building new friendships was EASY. But what I do know, is that I’m in one of those places right this minute. In fact, I feel I’ve been here for a while now. A place where I’ve been stripped (pruned) of a lot of relationships in my life and I’m left feeling empty. I’m not a whole person right now. The companion element that true and deep friendship brings is absent.

Being aware that this cycle of friendships is apparently just another one of those things we deal with in life does not help my acceptance of it. I am a loyal person. A loyal friend. Often times too loyal. But I’ve realized my definition of loyalty is certainly skewed, because sticking with someone for better or for worse is really just sticking around to avoid dealing with loss. Additionally, this loyalty binds me into setting up expectations that others can never meet. A great way for me to unknowingly keep them at arm’s length so I never get hurt.

The core of this, again, is avoiding the feelings of loss. And certainly I’m realizing that I have a lot of work to do in this area. In the area of grieving. Because loss IS another one of those things we go through in life. And I have yet to accept that. I have yet to believe we have to lose people in our lives. I think it should be all unicorns and rainbows and all of us living together happily ever after. I don’t ever want to say goodbye to someone in my life. And especially when I don’t have the choice. Like when someone moves away, passes away, or simply walks away.

These circumstances, out of my control, are just some of the reasons relationships die. Sometimes its simply time to move on. Sometimes time and space separate. And sometimes God decides that the particular season of friendship is simply over. Whatever the reason, I’m learning to understand that moments in time with certain relationships should be cherished and fed. I need to feed the relationships I have the privilege to be a part of. I have to be diligent in making sure I am being the other half of the friendship. And I have to make sure my expectations are in check with that person right then. Right where they are. Otherwise, I’m pushing away something that I long for.

More so, I have to understand that true friendships are built over time. They have to be intentional and nurturing. They take time. They take cultivation. They take patience. They take liking and person before you love them. They take listening before you speak. They take grace before condemnation. They take forgiveness. And when I can implore these towards existing and new relationships, I might just experience what God has for me in regards to true friendships. To those relationships I crave. Honest, loving, grace-filled, laughter-filled, and life-giving.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

And I have the opportunity in front of me to build new relationships, and nurture existing ones, over time, that will flourish in the same way. And I am hopeful and joyful to know that. And I am thankful for the time I’ve had with some friends that simply ended. And holding on to that helps me know that I CAN let others into my life again, even if it’s not forever. And I can be more vulnerable to those friends I do have. Give them more of my heart instead of hiding it. If I don’t, I will be left with that empty feeling the rest of my days.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

Our Kids Need Saving Too

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Noah's Baptism

Noah’s Baptism

I found Jesus in my 30’s. Well, not like I FOUND him, you know, on a piece of toast or in a cave or something, but more like He found his way into my heart. I am thankful that God prompted both my husband and I to take our then four year old son to church. I love how God can use children to draw us to him. Because of us following that prompting, our son, now 13, was baptized at age six. On his own accord, and because of the love and teaching of his pastor (we love you Shelly) at the time, he gave his life to Jesus, and has never turned back. I love that we were able to give him the oppotunity to know and love God, and I love that our church provided that enviornment for him.

For my husband and I, it took us a little longer to be saved. And by saved, I mean, for us to dip our foot in the water, so to speak, and proclaim that we too were all in to follow Jesus. And we were baptized on the same night by our two pastors. It was incredible, and something I will never forget. And it started what is turning out to be a journey I never knew existed. It started changing our hearts, individually, healing our marriage, and closing up large wounds of our past. There’s a lot of work still to be done, or undone, I like to say, because we spent most of our life NOT following God, and not knowing his plans for us.

All of this prompted our work in children’s ministry. And by work, I mean serving there. We dove in head first with the goal to love on and save as many kids as we could that came through our church doors every Sunday. We worked with an incredible team of leaders and saw a lot of hearts changed.

Right this minute, I got up off my chair and started to walk away from my computer. Because my heart hurts and I don’t know how much more I can write. It hurts for all of the kids out there that don’t know Jesus. And I’m watching so many of them grow up without Him. And it brings me back to my youth, which, in all honesty, wasn’t so terrible, but it could have been so much more with Jesus leading my way. I want to yell and scream through the streets of my neighborhood and gather up all the wandering kids who don’t know where they are headed. I want to love on all of them and share how much Jesus wants to know them. Yes, that might be a little over the top. I’ve been told before that sometimes I speak louder than I need to and not always in love. I’m working on this.

But, seriously, my heart does hurt for kids who don’t know God. ALL of them. Even the ones that go to church each Sunday with their parents, but haven’t figured out how to have a relationship with Jesus yet. And that seed God planted in my heart has grown into a tree, I think. And God has prompted me, once again, to help lead kids to him. And he’s giving me all the help I need, of course.

I’ve been praying for a long time about becoming a volunteer for Young Life, which is just getting started here in my hometown. I was freaked out about it for a long time, but God never let me forget about that seed. And, through prayer, and growing closer to Him, he’s opening more doors for me, and I couldn’t be more excited about it! A program for middle school kids will be starting up in the fall, and I get to be a part of it. I can’t wait to reach out to kids who were right where I was all those years ago. I can’t wait to know them right where they are, with no pressure or agenda. I can’t wait to be an ear and a voice for them. And I can’t wait to see how their heart might change just because we’ve provided them a fun and safe place to hang out and be themselves. What an incredible opportunity to love on our youth, and I get to be a part of it!

So pray for me as I embark on yet another scary journey. Pray for those kids who I might be able to reach through this. And pray for our organization to reach those who need it.

Where is God prompting you to serve? What is on your heart right now?

Turn Down The Noise!

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I haven’t slept for two nights. And by that I mean I probably slept a few hours, but mostly tossed and turned. I want to blame it on the full moon, or the unusually warm weather, because external causes are easy to point fingers at. However, even IF those things affected my slumber, the real culprit is Me.

I’ve been feeling this extremely annoying stir in myself for quite a while. It’s sort of like the feeling of a knot in your gut, but mostly like I’m claustrophobic. Sometimes I feel like I want to run to a far away place and start my life again. Sometimes I just want to RUN (which I’m lame at). Sometimes I want to let go of all my worries and just experience joy for even five minutes. I feel trapped in my own self. I can’t seem to escape the constant noise blaring in my head. And it’s not just noise, but jumbles and jumbles and jumbles of thoughts. Worries, sadness, fleeting ideas, desires, plans, self hate, regret, what ifs, whys, confusion, doubt, and fear.

I would guess if a radio station (wait, let me be ‘hip’ and say ‘Spotify’ or ‘Pandora’) had a play list like the one that goes on in my head, they wouldn’t get a lot of listeners. I know I wouldn’t listen, I’d change the channel. So, why can’t I change THIS channel? The one that BLARES in my head 24/7? What keeps me tuned in?

I’ll tell you what; It’s that I CHOOSE to listen. I choose to focus on these thoughts. I choose to let these thoughts stir me up and make me feel trapped. I choose my OWN self over God. I hold on to all of this because I’m not willing to let go of the control. As long as I’M thinking about these things, and working to solve the problems and worries in my life, then I still have CONTROL. When you think about it, it’s like managing a bunch of idiots. You know, like if a group of people worked for you, but were all incompetent for their positions. But, instead of replacing them with qualified people, you just keep trying to micro manage the heck out of them, and then eventually just do the jobs yourself.

God is qualified to do the job of managing my life. He created me. He thought of me before he created the world. He’s got this. But I choose not to hire him to take control of my life. And, as I stumble through trying to manage the idiocy of the noise in my head, I grow farther and farther from Him. Thankfully, he’s got more patience than me, and he waits. He waits for me to turn to him. He has his hand on the volume knob. He’s ready to turn down that noise as soon as I ask him to.

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

This verse made its way into the jumble of my thoughts last weekend. And I held on to it tightly for a few days. And I understood what God was saying to me. And I let him take control of the noise for a little while. And then I took it back again because I didn’t see things changing. I didn’t see my problems solved yet. So I felt I needed to worry about them again. I let the sadness and anxiety creep back in. And, even though I’ve prayed and read the Word every day, the noise has washed out the message. So, here I am, again, wanting relief from my own self talk. And He is there. Again.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:18

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the ‘noise’ in your head? The ‘noise’ of life even? What brings you peace and relief from it? If you haven’t given the control to God yet, give it a try. I challenge you to find anything other than peace when you do so.

God – A ‘Theory’

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booksI went to Barnes and Noble the other day in search of books I needed for upcoming bible studies. I got there early and had to wait for the doors to open. I noticed I wasn’t the only one waiting, and felt like I was now part of the ‘I can’t wait for the bookstore to open’ club. It’s nice to see that people still like shopping at the store, instead of online. I love roaming the aisles and touching the books. I love the feel of having a book in my hand and bending down the corner of the pages. I worry that someday there won’t be any more bookstores, or libraries. That it will all be digital. That would be a very sad day for us visual folks.

What’s funny, is that I’m not a big reader. Or so I say. But, thanks to another new Facebook profile update, I decided to catalog the books I’ve read over the past couple years. I have them all shelved above my desk. There are a lot of them, so I guess I really DO read. The thing is, they are all non-fiction. You won’t find ‘Fifty Shades’ or whatever else is out there that EVERYONE is reading. They are all Christian and Nutrition titles. I guess these are my passions. I love to learn and I’ve been so fortunate to be led to so many great authors. And I guess that’s why I love to write about faith and nutrition. I guess my life’s passions and callings aren’t that mysterious, as I once thought they were.

Having been to B&N before for Christian books, I knew right where to go. However, it still usually takes me awhile to find the right aisle. ‘Fantasy’, ‘Horror’, ‘History’, ‘Sci-Fi’; I pass all of these aisles on my way to the ‘Christianity’ shelf. And I say shelf, because that’s about what it is. It’s not its own aisle. But one bookcase (maybe two), front and back. And they have only one of each title, so don’t plan on getting multiple copies of anything, even a Bible.

On this particular day, a title from an adjacent shelf caught my eye. The text was bold and big on a white cover. And it contained one of my favorite go-to descriptive words for people who are mean. I chuckled, and then took a picture of it. But when I looked at the photo, I realized how close this book was to the shelf of Bibles. And I looked up at the section, and saw that it was ‘Philosophy’. And, for that moment, I felt that deep pain I get when I think about how hard it is to follow God in a world that constantly creates its own ideas of how to be happy.

Being a Christ follower is hard. I mean REALLY hard. Because, for me, it means leaving my old life behind. The one that was so comfortable. Even if that comfort was really just misery. Do you know what I mean? We stay in our current circumstance so often because it’s familiar. Doesn’t matter if it’s destructive to our soul. It’s what we know and we don’t like change. Change is hard. Change hurts. And transforming your life through Christ is painful.

I live in the world. The world has some really awesome stuff in it. But is also has a lot of grossness. And the world promises happiness that is only temporary. And it’s through stuff, mostly. I like stuff. And stuff is okay, but basing my happiness on it is not. So, for that moment, those shelves illustrated how I feel as a Christ follower. I’m back in the corner, sandwiched between ‘Philosophy’ and ‘Sci-Fi’. And, because they are so close, I really could choose to believe what they have to show me at any time. I am constantly surrounded by worldly views. And even though I’m comfortable following God, there certainly isn’t a lot of support in the world to keep me there.

You see, God isn’t just another theory about how to be happy in life. God is real and God is Truth. The Bible is historical fact (did you know that?), but it’s not in the History section. I really don’t like that He is sandwiched on the shelves between theories and other make-believe ideas. But, that is my reality. That is OUR reality, as Christ followers. Even though many consider Christianity a ‘religion’ and just another ‘idea’, we hold on to our faith in the Truth that we know. In the Truth that we live and experience. If you are looking for a book about joy and peace in life, look past the worldly ideas and look to God. He is waiting for you. He loves you. And He has the answers.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5

Living the Uncomfortable Life

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I skipped my morning bible study reading because I told myself I was going to write today. I had a fabulous blog all thought out in the middle of the night. Of course, I haven’t a clue what it was about now. Even my 13-year-old tells me I need to keep a journal by my bed to record these ideas. I’m not sure when I will come to terms with the fact that my brain is such a jumble most of the time, I can’t possibly keep extra ideas in there for more than a few minutes. So, I’m going to write about what’s on my mind, right this minute.

The ‘jumble’, that is my mind, is on overload lately. I’m pretty sure when I speak to people it’s evident. I talk in circles and probably never really express what I’m trying to. And I want so much to let people know what I’m thinking. I what them to learn from my mistakes and wins. I want them to know they are loved. I want them to know I’m praying for them in a real intense way. I want them to know that I’m in this mess of life with them, and I want to make them laugh.

What am I talking about? Right. Circles again. I’m talking about the fact that my mind and my heart are pulled in so many directions right now, that I can’t give much of anything TO anything, or anyone. I asked God very clearly this year to bring me out of my ‘regular’ life, and challenge me. I told him I would trust him to carry me beyond my fears. I told him I was done living the ‘safe’ life and I wanted to know what else He had for me. That, in itself, what a bold step of faith. I mean, we ask God for lots of things, like help with a problem, to heal the sick, to mend a relationship, and to bring certain joy. But, how often do we ask him for MORE than what’s in front of us? How often do we tell him, ‘okay God, I know you have great things for me, so I’m gonna just wait here and let you handle things from now on’? Well, for me, I can honestly say I NEVER asked him for more.

Well, he’s answered my prayer. In a huge way. And, I can honestly say, my faith is wavering. My trust in Him presenting me with new opportunities is not solid. I feel he’s put me on overload. He’s given me MORE than I can handle. He’s doing exactly what I asked him and I’m all, “Wait! I’m not sure you totally understood what I asked you. I mean, I WANT what you want for me, but I probably need to be eased into it s-l-o-w-l-y.’

You know sometimes when you talk (or write) something out, the ridiculousness of your emotions hits you in the face? Well, mine just did. DUH! Look what I just wrote! God ANSWERED my prayer. He did EXACTLY what I asked. But, I haven’t received his answer with the full amount of faith that is required. And, He’s not surprised. He knew exactly what I would do. I would turn it into an overwhelming situation and FREAK OUT. He also knew I would waver in my faith in him, which allows Satan to creep into that ‘jumble’. But he doesn’t just ‘creep’ in, he JUMPS in. Full force. He uses self-doubt, confusion, and even sickness to drag me down.

But, what God also knew was that just the ASKING part was an incredible step in my faith. And He knows that it’s just enough for me to hang on to him for the ride. And it’s gonna be a FAST and bumpy one. And I’m NOT ready. And I’m freaked out. And that leaves me vulnerable. I have a choice to fix my eyes on Him anyway. I have a choice to reject the negative talk, and the push of Satan who wants me to fall back into my ‘regular’ life. And I have the choice to say ‘no’ to it all and get back into my comfort zone.

The truth is, I feel like I’m floating above the ground right now. That nothing is nailed down and nothing is safe. Nothing is ‘normal’ and everything is off-balance. So, I’m pretty sure this is all part of God’s plan, but I’d be okay if this weird floaty part would end very soon. And I want to have my eyes wide open when it does so I can understand what He’s doing, and bring my faith in Him back up to where it needs to be.

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

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We had these next door neighbors growing up that had HBO. This may not seem shocking, except that is was the early 80’s. They had a huge antenna on top of OUR roof, just so they could get the signal. They recorded every single movie and had a huge alphabetized and cataloged VHS collection. It was like having Blockbuster right next door, but free (to us). I was about 11 years old and the neighbors were 1 and 3 years younger than me. We watched TONS of scary movies. TONS. Movies like “Halloween” (still freaks me out), and “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” (the original). I have to tell you, I HATE scary movies. In fact, I still freak myself out when it’s dark in the house. Admittedly, I don’t step anywhere on the floor close to my bed if it’s dark. I take an extra-large step so that nothing can grab my ankles from under the bed. Yes, I do this. Yes, I’m 42.  I don’t know why I watched all those movies and I don’t know where any of our parents were. I won’t even watch cop shows because I freak out so much. I probably need some sort of hypnosis to remove the still fresh images of some of those films.

As a kid, movies pretty much encompassed all that I thought I was afraid of. They were tangible, and spoke to that certain fear part of the brain. But, what I didn’t realize, is that I was afraid pretty much all of the time, of everything. I was afraid of failure, rejection, sickness, loss, security, and insignificance.  I muddled my way through those years holding on to a thin thread of hope, and always wondering when it would finally snap.  I didn’t even know what that thread was made of, or who held the other end of it. And I so wish that I did.

In my early 30’s, I caught a glimpse of the other end of that string. It was God. But I didn’t understand really who he was and why he’d been helping me my whole life. I just knew if I kept seeking him, somehow that thread would strengthen and become my lifeline. And several years later, with continued seeking, it has become just that.  What I didn’t know, was that Satan is the one who has been running with scissors, chasing me my whole life, with only one mission: to cut that line.

If you are a Christ follower, you might know that the stronger your relationship with Jesus, the more Satan wants to take you down.  I guess that’s why some of the stuff that happened to me before I knew Jesus was not that awful. And, of course, everyone’s awful is completely different. God wanted me so much that he protected me all these years, even when I didn’t acknowledge him. And, when I did, that pissed Satan off majorly.  He brought out those big guns. The ones he started using on me when I was growing up. He tied into all my biggest fears.  You know, failure, rejection, sickness, loss, security, and insignificance. The thing is, he’s actually super crafty, because you wouldn’t think your negative inner voice and low self-worth come from somewhere else. In fact, most people think these thoughts are totally valid, and that the world determines our worth. We believe these to be 100% true. And that’s the crafty part of it, because they are 100% false.

Truth comes only from God. And his truth lives in the Bible. No where that I’ve seen does the Bible talk about how we aren’t able to be a whole person if someone rejects us, or if we lose something or someone in our life. The Bible doesn’t tell us to muddle along life being careful and mediocre because we might fail. It doesn’t tell us we’d better wait until we are fully prepared to start following God’s calling for our life. And it certainly doesn’t say you’d better be sure to follow what everyone else is doing in order to be accepted and loved.

With God on our side, our fears are moot. He promises that he’s already prepared us for what we are supposed to do. He’s prepared us to be significant. Even if we don’t realize it. He won’t send us a detailed list of all the things he’s laid out. But he will be there as you to step out in Faith and do it anyway. Do it blindly. “Do it afraid.” (Joyce Meyer)

The only thing stopping us from stepping out of our comfort zone is our Fear. And Fear comes only from Satan. And God is more powerful than he is. And God is on your side; he’s on your team. He’s holding your hand as you jump of the cliff into the unknown. And he isn’t letting go. And Fear is left behind.

You wouldn’t know it, but I’m afraid to write. I’m afraid it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid it will be useless. I’m afraid of being useless. I’m afraid of crossing the street at an intersection. I’m afraid of calling people and ordering pizza. I’m afraid to ask dumb questions. I’m afraid to accept some truths about myself. I’m afraid of saying I’m sorry. I’m afraid of forgiveness. I’m afraid of giving my heart away. I’m afraid I’m not good enough for anyone or anything. I’m afraid to share my faith. I’m afraid I’m a failure as a wife and a mother. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I asked God this year to bring me challenges. To open doors that had super scary things on the other side. To help me face the boogie man under the bed. I told him I trusted him enough to bust through my fear and that He would protect me. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s doing just what I asked. And, of course, this freaks me out. But, just like he said, he’s prepared me for this. In ways I never understood at the time. And I AM taking those steps (most of the time), and I found out that even in the scary, I feel calm. In fact, pushing past the fear (defeating it) makes me feel super good!

It’s time to stop being afraid of the dark. Of the lies. And start stepping out in Faith so that you can see the Truth that is waiting.

What are you afraid of? Do you feel called to do something that totally freaks you out? If so, it’s probably exactly what God wants you to do.

Are you there God? It’s me, Lori

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When my son was in the 3rd or 4th grade, he brought home the book, “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” by Judy Blume from the school library. Having read this book as a young girl, I knew the highlight of this tale. And I wasn’t ready for my son to read about it. I’m guessing because we had read other books by the same author, he was drawn to this. I kindly suggested to him that he really wouldn’t like the book because it was written for girls. In my head I’m thinking, “Why the HECK did the school librarian let him check this out and leave ME to deal with it???”

Oh, the challenges of parenthood. If you have ‘older’ kids, I bet you get that question all the time from  young parents, asking if it gets ‘easier’ as they get older. “HA!” I often say. No. It’s more challenging in an emotional and intellectual way. The older they get, the smarter they get, and your tricks no longer work. Oh, and you have to make sure you are setting a good example, and raising them up to be responsible, God-fearing, and generous adults. Cause they aren’t under your 24/7 watch anymore. No. It’s not easy.

But, I’ve come to understand, that NOTHING that is worthwhile in life is EASY. Not. At. All. Which brings me to a realization that I have basically skated through life participating in almost nothing that brought me out of my ‘comfort zone’. Nothing that truly challenged my belief in myself. And certainly nothing BIG that God has in store for me.  Yes, I’ve done A LOT (of stuff). Yes, I’ve accomplished things that seem pretty big. Yes, I’ve contributed to things that have made a difference. But, all of these, were still in my comfort zone. Even if they were on the very edge.

I can honestly say I have barely dipped my toe in the pool of challenge. At the same time, I can also say that I’ve claimed to. I’ve built myself up sometimes to believe I hurdled over gigantic obstacles and came out better on the other side. Yes, I have overcome things. Yes, I have grown in a positive way from these experiences. But, there’s just something so familiar about every challenge I feel I’ve taken on. And familiar typically means comfortable. Similar. Something I understand. Something I am prepared for. Something I have control of. Which, in my new understanding, does not qualify as a true CHALLENGE.

I am not here to say I am worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Not in any way. I am super proud of things I’ve done and even surprised at a lot of it. Things like parenting. I’ve done a great job, alongside my husband, to raise an incredible kid. And EVERYONE who becomes a parent for the first time knows that this is the biggest challenge of life. It rocks your world in every direction, and you are never prepared for it.

But since that time, what HAS rocked my world? I mean, I’m trying to cut coffee for the next month and I can’t even bring myself to do that. And to me THAT is huge. Which, when I think about it, is so small. When did coffee rule my world? Wait. That’s probably another blog, because I think my love for coffee is up there with my love for Nigel, my car.

I’m feeling a looming challenge ahead. And I’m TERRIFIED to say the least. And it might not even be a THING, but a sin or, dare I say AGAIN…Control.

Giving up control and truly living by faith could be every Christ follower’s biggest challenge. I mean, God made us all full of personality and brains, and then he tells us HE wants to be in charge? But I’M in charge? I’M the boss of me!

Sounds a lot like parenting older kids. They are full of this personality and brains I speak of, and certainly want to be in control at all times. This frustrates the heck out of me as a parent. It makes me feel insignificant much of the time. I can imagine how frustrated this must make God. When all he wants is the best for us. And all he asks is that we listen to what He’s saying, and DO IT. We let HIM be in control of our lives.  How insignificant we make him feel when we turn from him and walk our own path.

So, God, I get it. You want me to walk by faith and give up my control. Which pretty much translates into every single thing in my life. I know that YOU know I can do this. But I also know that you know I don’t believe I can. So, please, walk with me through this. Show me the way. And help me give up that control to you so I can truly know what GREAT things you have in store for me. Amen.

Teen Mom: 13 Years in the Making

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SI am a mom. I am a wife. I am a blogger. I have multiple random jobs. And now, I have a son who is 13.

People say that, ‘time flies!’ and, “kids grow up so fast!” But, honestly, I think it has felt like exactly 13 years since he came into my life. Not a minute longer. Not a minute shorter. I feel like I’ve seen him grow and change in the perfect timing. And, even though I told him he’s not technically a year older until 10:50 tonight, I’m totally okay with the fact that he’s now 13.

I have, hands down, the most incredible son. God gave us just one child, and he outdid himself with this one. Sometimes I think we were only given just one because THIS one is enough. He’s like several people in one. And the perfect fit for our family. We were chosen to raise this amazing creature. And we’ve taken on the task in all seriousness.

My son is generous, compassionate, creative, driven, confident, talented, non-stop, and an old soul. With all that, he’s also just a normal 13 year old kid. He still fights with me. He still thinks he’s right all the time. He still needs reminding to brush his teeth and put his name on his math homework. And he still hugs me good night. Every night.

Many people compliment my husband and I on what a great job we’ve done raising him. And, you know what? I would agree with that. And I’ll take it. WE will take the compliment. Because he IS an incredible human being. However, we won’t take ALL the credit for who he is today. Our son’s life has been filled with so many people that have helped him along his way. That have loved on him, encouraged him, disciplined him, taught him, and prayed for him. We could never have raised such an outstanding person without a lot of help and influence from all of the pastors, teachers, caretakers, family, and friends in our lives. It takes a village.

So, today, on his 13th birthday, we celebrate the person he has become, and the person he is destined to be. And we thank each and every person who has touched his life in some way. But, most of all, we thank God for chosing us and others in his life to care for him. In His perfect timing, our son came into our lives, and the perfect people surrounded us and have brought our son to where he is today.

For his 13th birthday, our son has given up presents to help provide clean water to people around the world. Just a piece of evidence of his caring heart. Please visit his Charity:Water campaign page and consider donating in honor of him today. http://mycharitywater.org/noahs13thbirthdayforcleanwater

Pity: Party of One

taintedfishsticks 2 Comments

I would like to take this moment to give myself kudos for the amazing job I do at throwing myself pity parties.  No, seriously, I’m considering adding ‘pity party planner’ to my list of skills on my newly created LinkedIn profile. I’m positive I would get several endorsements for this incredible talent.  For certain, I’ve had enough years of experience to merit the notation.

If you know me, you know that I don’t do anything half ass. It’s all or nothing, all of the time. So, when I throw a party like this, it’s epic. Everything from the venue, food, drink, guest list, toast, and, of course theme (pity) are carried out down to the last detail. No expense is spared for an event such as this. The significance of said party is not to be underplayed.

To be more specific, I pick a venue that is close to home, or most often actually at my home. This allows space to flop or flouder, and plenty of doors to slam, cats to ignore, and family members to yell at. Food can be tricky, as sometimes it’s difficult to get the coffee tasting just right, or find a slice of cake at 10:30 in the evening. The guest list is very specific and exclusive. There is no room at a pity party for anyone other than the host (me). If anyone else tries to crash it, they will be met by the bouncer at the door (me) and quickly reqret their attempt to join in the fun.give up

The highlight of the party is always the carefully delivered, eloquently versed, and unequivocally truthful speech given by the host. Because this, my friends, is the core and the soul of the party itself. The reason for the gathering, and the purpose of the fanfare.  “Here’s to Lori, the woman we honor today. She is mostly useless, weighs more than she should, has nothing to offer the world, and has spent the last ten years or so watching tv dramas and dabbling in short term jobs. She has no party invites due to lack of friends, and is probably not fun to hang out with anyway. We raise our glasses to her extreme lameness! Cheers!”

At the end of the speech, I am fired up and ready for more! Let’s party like its 30-12 tonight! Bring on the junk food, the door slamming, and the yelling! Lock the doors so no one else can spoil the fun.

But, even I know that every good pity party must come to an end. Every event runs it’s course. And, eventually, it’s time to clean up the mess. But, when it’s time for the cleanup, my gifting runs dry. I can’t see past the truths of my speech and the giant mess I have made.

Thankfully, there is a cleanup crew already on task. Even though I didn’t hire them, they show up every time. As they begin to sweep up the debris, I notice my mood begin to change, and perhaps a tidbit of joy sneeking in. Like the sun shining through a clean spot on a dirty window. They scrub, and they wash, and they fix what is broken; my heart. And, finally, they present me with a new toast. One that speaks right to my heart. One that fills me up, instead of breaks me down. One that is REAL truth.

Who are these cleanup experts? They are my husband, they are my friends, they are scripture, and they are truth. They are all organized perfectly by Jesus to help me know what is real, and to break up my pity party. Because we aren’t meant to determine our own worth. God has already done that. We are beautiful, talented, loving, and perfect in his eyes. And he will always show us that truth when we care to listen.

So, next time you want to throw a party for yourself of the pity nature, check with God first, because I bet he has a better idea in mind.

 

 

Face vs. Facebook

taintedfishsticks 4 Comments

In a world of total exposure, the noise can turn into false reality.

WHAT?!

I’m talking about our perceptions of people and the fact that due to things like social media, we see a lot more of people’s lives than we ever did before. But what are we really seeing?

I want to let you know that I am not you and you are not me and he is not that guy and she is not that girl. I don’t have my act together and I’m not an incredible cook.

Sally Sue’s kids are a terror and she only posts pictures of them looking cute. She doesn’t tell you she had to bribe them with Twinkies to get them to shut up and smile.

Jimmy’s new job IS a blessing, but he totally hates the fact that he has no friends there and isn’t allowed on Facebook while on the clock.

Reposting a status in support of some person she’ll never meet who may or may not be sick does not mean Mary is going to save the world while you are watching Netflix.

Healthy living advice comes mostly from people who secretly eat Doritos and drink too much.

Kids with amazing grades are under a lot of pressure and may not make it through college.

Awesome vacations usually mean massive credit card debt.

Multiple ‘check-ins’ mean George goes anywhere he can not to be at home with his family.

Arm in arm group photos indicate booze consumption and temporary BFF status.

Social media IS a way to connect with others. It can be informational, inspiring, humorous, and overall entertaining. I am personally thankful for the connections of have made with many people I might not otherwise be in contact with. I am definitely not mad at Facebook. But, I often get sucked in, like many others, to the false reality presented. Not that people are mis-representing themselves, but that their time of joy is temporary, and is not representative of all the crap they may have going on behind it.

When you find yourself feeling like everyone else’s life is better than yours, stop yourself, because it’s simply not true. We are all a mess in our own personal circumstance and this is NORMAL. No one is living our same life and we should never want for someone else’s life. Especially if it’s all wrapped up in a status update.

Connect with friends in many ways. Spend time in person with people and find out what’s REALLY going on. Celebrate, encourage, inform, laugh, and cry with them. For real. And not through a comment or a ‘like’ button. Because we are meant to be in community with one another, and to be real face to face.