honesty

God – A ‘Theory’

taintedfishsticks 4 Comments

booksI went to Barnes and Noble the other day in search of books I needed for upcoming bible studies. I got there early and had to wait for the doors to open. I noticed I wasn’t the only one waiting, and felt like I was now part of the ‘I can’t wait for the bookstore to open’ club. It’s nice to see that people still like shopping at the store, instead of online. I love roaming the aisles and touching the books. I love the feel of having a book in my hand and bending down the corner of the pages. I worry that someday there won’t be any more bookstores, or libraries. That it will all be digital. That would be a very sad day for us visual folks.

What’s funny, is that I’m not a big reader. Or so I say. But, thanks to another new Facebook profile update, I decided to catalog the books I’ve read over the past couple years. I have them all shelved above my desk. There are a lot of them, so I guess I really DO read. The thing is, they are all non-fiction. You won’t find ‘Fifty Shades’ or whatever else is out there that EVERYONE is reading. They are all Christian and Nutrition titles. I guess these are my passions. I love to learn and I’ve been so fortunate to be led to so many great authors. And I guess that’s why I love to write about faith and nutrition. I guess my life’s passions and callings aren’t that mysterious, as I once thought they were.

Having been to B&N before for Christian books, I knew right where to go. However, it still usually takes me awhile to find the right aisle. ‘Fantasy’, ‘Horror’, ‘History’, ‘Sci-Fi’; I pass all of these aisles on my way to the ‘Christianity’ shelf. And I say shelf, because that’s about what it is. It’s not its own aisle. But one bookcase (maybe two), front and back. And they have only one of each title, so don’t plan on getting multiple copies of anything, even a Bible.

On this particular day, a title from an adjacent shelf caught my eye. The text was bold and big on a white cover. And it contained one of my favorite go-to descriptive words for people who are mean. I chuckled, and then took a picture of it. But when I looked at the photo, I realized how close this book was to the shelf of Bibles. And I looked up at the section, and saw that it was ‘Philosophy’. And, for that moment, I felt that deep pain I get when I think about how hard it is to follow God in a world that constantly creates its own ideas of how to be happy.

Being a Christ follower is hard. I mean REALLY hard. Because, for me, it means leaving my old life behind. The one that was so comfortable. Even if that comfort was really just misery. Do you know what I mean? We stay in our current circumstance so often because it’s familiar. Doesn’t matter if it’s destructive to our soul. It’s what we know and we don’t like change. Change is hard. Change hurts. And transforming your life through Christ is painful.

I live in the world. The world has some really awesome stuff in it. But is also has a lot of grossness. And the world promises happiness that is only temporary. And it’s through stuff, mostly. I like stuff. And stuff is okay, but basing my happiness on it is not. So, for that moment, those shelves illustrated how I feel as a Christ follower. I’m back in the corner, sandwiched between ‘Philosophy’ and ‘Sci-Fi’. And, because they are so close, I really could choose to believe what they have to show me at any time. I am constantly surrounded by worldly views. And even though I’m comfortable following God, there certainly isn’t a lot of support in the world to keep me there.

You see, God isn’t just another theory about how to be happy in life. God is real and God is Truth. The Bible is historical fact (did you know that?), but it’s not in the History section. I really don’t like that He is sandwiched on the shelves between theories and other make-believe ideas. But, that is my reality. That is OUR reality, as Christ followers. Even though many consider Christianity a ‘religion’ and just another ‘idea’, we hold on to our faith in the Truth that we know. In the Truth that we live and experience. If you are looking for a book about joy and peace in life, look past the worldly ideas and look to God. He is waiting for you. He loves you. And He has the answers.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5

Living the Uncomfortable Life

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I skipped my morning bible study reading because I told myself I was going to write today. I had a fabulous blog all thought out in the middle of the night. Of course, I haven’t a clue what it was about now. Even my 13-year-old tells me I need to keep a journal by my bed to record these ideas. I’m not sure when I will come to terms with the fact that my brain is such a jumble most of the time, I can’t possibly keep extra ideas in there for more than a few minutes. So, I’m going to write about what’s on my mind, right this minute.

The ‘jumble’, that is my mind, is on overload lately. I’m pretty sure when I speak to people it’s evident. I talk in circles and probably never really express what I’m trying to. And I want so much to let people know what I’m thinking. I what them to learn from my mistakes and wins. I want them to know they are loved. I want them to know I’m praying for them in a real intense way. I want them to know that I’m in this mess of life with them, and I want to make them laugh.

What am I talking about? Right. Circles again. I’m talking about the fact that my mind and my heart are pulled in so many directions right now, that I can’t give much of anything TO anything, or anyone. I asked God very clearly this year to bring me out of my ‘regular’ life, and challenge me. I told him I would trust him to carry me beyond my fears. I told him I was done living the ‘safe’ life and I wanted to know what else He had for me. That, in itself, what a bold step of faith. I mean, we ask God for lots of things, like help with a problem, to heal the sick, to mend a relationship, and to bring certain joy. But, how often do we ask him for MORE than what’s in front of us? How often do we tell him, ‘okay God, I know you have great things for me, so I’m gonna just wait here and let you handle things from now on’? Well, for me, I can honestly say I NEVER asked him for more.

Well, he’s answered my prayer. In a huge way. And, I can honestly say, my faith is wavering. My trust in Him presenting me with new opportunities is not solid. I feel he’s put me on overload. He’s given me MORE than I can handle. He’s doing exactly what I asked him and I’m all, “Wait! I’m not sure you totally understood what I asked you. I mean, I WANT what you want for me, but I probably need to be eased into it s-l-o-w-l-y.’

You know sometimes when you talk (or write) something out, the ridiculousness of your emotions hits you in the face? Well, mine just did. DUH! Look what I just wrote! God ANSWERED my prayer. He did EXACTLY what I asked. But, I haven’t received his answer with the full amount of faith that is required. And, He’s not surprised. He knew exactly what I would do. I would turn it into an overwhelming situation and FREAK OUT. He also knew I would waver in my faith in him, which allows Satan to creep into that ‘jumble’. But he doesn’t just ‘creep’ in, he JUMPS in. Full force. He uses self-doubt, confusion, and even sickness to drag me down.

But, what God also knew was that just the ASKING part was an incredible step in my faith. And He knows that it’s just enough for me to hang on to him for the ride. And it’s gonna be a FAST and bumpy one. And I’m NOT ready. And I’m freaked out. And that leaves me vulnerable. I have a choice to fix my eyes on Him anyway. I have a choice to reject the negative talk, and the push of Satan who wants me to fall back into my ‘regular’ life. And I have the choice to say ‘no’ to it all and get back into my comfort zone.

The truth is, I feel like I’m floating above the ground right now. That nothing is nailed down and nothing is safe. Nothing is ‘normal’ and everything is off-balance. So, I’m pretty sure this is all part of God’s plan, but I’d be okay if this weird floaty part would end very soon. And I want to have my eyes wide open when it does so I can understand what He’s doing, and bring my faith in Him back up to where it needs to be.

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Here We Go Again…

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Seems like I’m back on the hamster wheel. Just when I think I’m gaining momentum and actually GETTING somewhere, I realize I’m in the same place I started. Do you think hamsters realize this? Because I don’t think they have much of a brain. Speaking of hamsters, I’m a former hamster killer. I had them as pets as a child, stinky cage and all. And didn’t care for them properly. Found one dead in the cage once. Cause of death: Dirty cage. It’s a wonder God trusted me to care for a human.

We have very complex brains, unlike the hamster. Yet, we can run on a revolving wheel much the same way without ever realizing we aren’t going anywhere. We go faster and faster, get stronger and stronger, and then we stop, look up, and see we are in exactly the same place. This relates to ALL areas of life, but I would guess that pretty much everyone can relate this to finances.

Without quoting any specific statistic, I know for a fact that finances are the number one cause of divorce in the US. And if it hasn’t caused divorce, it certainly causes stress and tension in our life and relationships. I’m not talking about the LACK of money, but the MANAGEMENT of money. What we do with what we are given. What we do with what God has loaned us. We are stewards of HIS money. And, therefore, he provides us opportunities to show him we can manage it wisely, whatever the amount.

God has given my husband and I LOTS of ‘opportunities’ (tests) with money. LOTS. Sometimes he’s given us what I consider TONS of money to work with. The parable of the talents in the Bible talks about this. If you don’t know the story, check out Matthew 25:14-30. I think, most of the time, we are the third guy in this story. We totally blow it. And we come back to God with exactly what we started with. We run the hamster wheel fast, and make no headway with what he’s given us.

Like the bible talks about, God gets pissed off at the third guy. And rightly so! It’s like when you give your kid $20 to buy a hot chocolate and he comes back with that, a giant cookie, and $11 in change. Hey! That’s MY money! And you just wasted it. We are wasting God’s money.

When God is not happy with what we’ve done, he brings us back to where we started again. This time with less. And this time, with conviction on our hearts.

You see, we’ve always had everything we need. EVERYTHING. And probably more than that. But as soon as we get everything in check with our finances, opportunities come up for us to receive more income. And EVERY time, we mis-manage that ‘extra’ money. We literally don’t manage it. We just spend it. We don’t consider it part of our budget. We don’t really consider it at all. And that’s like saying, “Oh, hey God. No, you don’t need to worry about this. We got it. This is our EXTRA. Thanks for providing that for us so we don’t have to stress out about buying things we don’t need.”

Crap. Just writing that out solidifies the fact that we are morons. We have tiny hamster brains. We live to run on the wheel of the world. And not care that we aren’t going anywhere. Not a worry about being stewards to God’s wealth.

Well, the wheel has stopped. Again. And as we look around, we are scared out of our minds of the familiar territory. Higher taxes, job changes, big life decisions, and most certainly God, have put us in a very different financial place. Something we knew was coming, yet didn’t spend a second preparing for.

God has presented us with another test. Feels like a final exam. He’s given us all the information. We’ve had plenty of homework, quizzes, projects, and group discussions. He has prepared us as much as he can. And that’s all he can do. It’s time for us to apply what we know, have faith in His teachings, and ACE this one! Prayers welcomed.

How is God testing you in your finances? Do you understand that nothing on this earth belongs to us? That we are just here to take care of it? Does that change how you think about how you manage your money? I hope it does.

Are you there God? It’s me, Lori

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When my son was in the 3rd or 4th grade, he brought home the book, “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” by Judy Blume from the school library. Having read this book as a young girl, I knew the highlight of this tale. And I wasn’t ready for my son to read about it. I’m guessing because we had read other books by the same author, he was drawn to this. I kindly suggested to him that he really wouldn’t like the book because it was written for girls. In my head I’m thinking, “Why the HECK did the school librarian let him check this out and leave ME to deal with it???”

Oh, the challenges of parenthood. If you have ‘older’ kids, I bet you get that question all the time from  young parents, asking if it gets ‘easier’ as they get older. “HA!” I often say. No. It’s more challenging in an emotional and intellectual way. The older they get, the smarter they get, and your tricks no longer work. Oh, and you have to make sure you are setting a good example, and raising them up to be responsible, God-fearing, and generous adults. Cause they aren’t under your 24/7 watch anymore. No. It’s not easy.

But, I’ve come to understand, that NOTHING that is worthwhile in life is EASY. Not. At. All. Which brings me to a realization that I have basically skated through life participating in almost nothing that brought me out of my ‘comfort zone’. Nothing that truly challenged my belief in myself. And certainly nothing BIG that God has in store for me.  Yes, I’ve done A LOT (of stuff). Yes, I’ve accomplished things that seem pretty big. Yes, I’ve contributed to things that have made a difference. But, all of these, were still in my comfort zone. Even if they were on the very edge.

I can honestly say I have barely dipped my toe in the pool of challenge. At the same time, I can also say that I’ve claimed to. I’ve built myself up sometimes to believe I hurdled over gigantic obstacles and came out better on the other side. Yes, I have overcome things. Yes, I have grown in a positive way from these experiences. But, there’s just something so familiar about every challenge I feel I’ve taken on. And familiar typically means comfortable. Similar. Something I understand. Something I am prepared for. Something I have control of. Which, in my new understanding, does not qualify as a true CHALLENGE.

I am not here to say I am worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Not in any way. I am super proud of things I’ve done and even surprised at a lot of it. Things like parenting. I’ve done a great job, alongside my husband, to raise an incredible kid. And EVERYONE who becomes a parent for the first time knows that this is the biggest challenge of life. It rocks your world in every direction, and you are never prepared for it.

But since that time, what HAS rocked my world? I mean, I’m trying to cut coffee for the next month and I can’t even bring myself to do that. And to me THAT is huge. Which, when I think about it, is so small. When did coffee rule my world? Wait. That’s probably another blog, because I think my love for coffee is up there with my love for Nigel, my car.

I’m feeling a looming challenge ahead. And I’m TERRIFIED to say the least. And it might not even be a THING, but a sin or, dare I say AGAIN…Control.

Giving up control and truly living by faith could be every Christ follower’s biggest challenge. I mean, God made us all full of personality and brains, and then he tells us HE wants to be in charge? But I’M in charge? I’M the boss of me!

Sounds a lot like parenting older kids. They are full of this personality and brains I speak of, and certainly want to be in control at all times. This frustrates the heck out of me as a parent. It makes me feel insignificant much of the time. I can imagine how frustrated this must make God. When all he wants is the best for us. And all he asks is that we listen to what He’s saying, and DO IT. We let HIM be in control of our lives.  How insignificant we make him feel when we turn from him and walk our own path.

So, God, I get it. You want me to walk by faith and give up my control. Which pretty much translates into every single thing in my life. I know that YOU know I can do this. But I also know that you know I don’t believe I can. So, please, walk with me through this. Show me the way. And help me give up that control to you so I can truly know what GREAT things you have in store for me. Amen.

When is ‘Enough’, Enough?

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This morning, while catching up on some missed bible study lessons from the fall, I was presented with a compelling question; Is God Enough? Or, do I want just a little bit more? As a Christ follower, Jesus is supposed to be my everything. But as a person, living in the world, I don’t think I give him that title, or believe he is ‘enough’.

Even Jesus’ disciples struggled with this. They spent tons of time with him, with God, and still asked for more. “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” John 14:18. They wanted physical proof that God exists, even though they were walking with him the entire time.

Many people don’t believe God exists at all. Maybe it’s because they have struggles in life, or maybe it’s because they don’t believe what they can’t see. The thing is, it doesn’t matter if you believe in God, or not, life still has struggles, and we still won’t ever see God here on this earth. Following Jesus doesn’t make your life awesome and without mess. Instead, it provides you with the instructions on how to navigate this world and the challenges in it. As a Christ follower, you understand that God’s instructions are simple, yet majorly impactful. Following God brings peace and comfort during terrible times, and joy and thanksgiving to follow. God is not out to get us EVER. Instead, he is for us ALWAYS. And he will help guide us through the ups and downs of life every single step of the way.

And we will never see him there. But we know that he is.

The truth is, physical proof of God’s presence is all around us. I know it’s all around me. But, if I’m not focused on Jesus, I won’t see it. Because God rarely presents my answered prayers in the way I expected. And he pretty much never shows me a path that I planned out ahead of time. He certainly doesn’t give me a to do list each day with bullets and priorities, just how I’d like it.

But, in all honesty, I want these things. I want clear instructions. I want a detailed list. I want things to happen quickly, and I want to be happy all the time. I want God to show up one morning for coffee and give me all the inside details that I just don’t understand. I want a ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ when I ask him if I should do something. I want to know the future, and I want to know exactly what heaven looks like. But, mostly, I want everyone in the world to know God.

And when I spend time in prayer, I don’t see him sitting next to me, or feel him wrap his arms around me, but he does. All day long. He walks with me, he talks with me, and most importantly, he loves me unconditionally. He knows me better than anyone. And he is FOR me. Always. And he is here for you too. Whether you believe it or not.

So what else DO I need? Certainly, God should be enough.

Is God enough? Is he even anything to you? Are you finding what you need in this world? Because YOU are enough and everything to him. What’s holding you back from finding out?

What You See Is What You Get

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People think I’m complicated. This is baffling to me. Honestly, what you see and hear is what you get. Yes, I said hear, cause I verbalize my thoughts and feelings. A lot.

I know a lot of people. The over 500 Facebook friend count doesn’t even scratch the surface of how many people I call acquaintance. No, I’m not being braggy, it’s just a fact. I’ve been around for 40 some odd years and have met a lot of people along the way. Many I’ve kept in contact with, and several I’ve chosen not to. (Or the other way around, as it may be.). In my life I always felt my worth was determined by others, which might be why I’ve tried so hard to stay on contact with people. For example, if someone appeared to not like me, or maybe didn’t include me in something, I felt crappy, like I wasn’t good enough for them. Like, why the heck wouldn’t people like me?! Because I’m complicated to some, apparently.

I would be lying of I said I still didn’t look to others to determine some of my worth. But, I can say, I’m working on this. Cause everybody’s not gonna like me, and I, for sure, don’t like everyone either.

With all the people I know, encounter, and keep in contact with, only a handful of them are part of my inner circle. These are the people that totally get me and understand why I don’t think I’m complicated. These are the people who accept me no matter what and who come to me when they want the truth. And these are the people that were put in my life for a reason. This circle isn’t static, because people come and go in your life. Some, like my husband, have always been there, but others have drifted away, perhaps to make room for someone new. But, what remains the same is me, and my role as friend, encourager, helper, and confidante. Because that’s who I truly am. And I don’t think that’s complicated at all.