health

What I Learned in Twenty Twelve

taintedfishsticks Leave a comment

IMAG0201It’s so totally cliche to reflect on the past year on New Year’s Eve. And I hate being cliche. In fact, I love the fact that I consider myself a ‘non-conformist’. Maybe I try too hard at that sometimes. But anyway, I do tend to reflect this time of year like so many others. Could be the fact that I’m exhausted from all the holiday fun, and finally have a moment to just breathe.

I kinda want this post to be all psychoanalytical and deep, because I’m feeling all sorts of good and calm in my insides. But that sort of writing can put some people to sleep. Even me. Who doesn’t typically sleep well. (note to self: read more funky deep chakra sorts of stuff before bed in 2013)

The truth is, I learned a lot this past year. A lot of it was about myself and how much I get in my own way most of the time. My analytical personality went overboard in 2012 and not in a good way. I must find a way to use this superpower for good, and not evil. I singlehandedly overanalyzed every thing and person in my life, so much that I think I pushed away a lot of activities and relationships that could have brought me some real JOY. I’m thankful for those who stuck by me anyway, and for the many times I told myself to “just do it anyway!” when I was all funked out.

The positive side to my mathmatical brain is that it sees ALL sides, even the positive ‘what ifs’. What if I looked for the good in people instead of focus on the flaws? What if I joined a gym again and exercised just once per week? What if I allowed myself time every day to write? What if I DID IT ANYWAY? Through intent problem solving techniques, I can most certainly come up with the conclusion each time that my life would be more fufilled if I purposefully focus on the positive instead of the negative. Well, it’s not just me that came up with that, because important and smart psychologial people have spent years researching this sort of behavior. I just takes me reading this kind of stuff several times and doing my own failed experiments before I get it.

Well, I GET IT. And I’m excited about it!

My dear friend gave me a fabulous gift this Christmas. It’s a Gratitude journal. It’s exactly what I needed to propel me into the new year with a new outlook. And, even better, it has INSTRUCTIONS on how to use it. This speaks to me in many warm and fuzzy ways. In the intro of the book, it says, “People who actively try to become more grateful in their everyday lives are happier-not to mention healthier-than those who don’t” BINGO! Tell me one person who doesn’t want Health and Happiness? Who knew something as simple as gratitude could get you there? Well, these previously mentioned smart people did. And we ALL can take advantage of this incredible tool.

I’m super fabulous at finding the worst in things. Sometimes I talk about it in a humorous way to make people (and myself) laugh. Sometimes this is still okay, I think. But I know the negative has outweighed the positive for me this past year, and it’s time to adjust that scale.

Here are some things I’m grateful for this past year:

Hugs from my 12 year old. The opportunity to write. Friendships lost. Friendships strengthened. Perspective. Hand written letters. Jesus. Unexpected gifts. Daily walks. My husband’s unconditional love. My family. Kisses from my 1 year old nephew. Sunshine. Hugs from lifetime friends. Photographs. Laughter. Coffee.

What are you grateful for? Do you focus on the negative in life? What can you do this coming year to find more JOY?

Thank you from my whole heart for reading my blog and supporting my writing!

Happy New Year!!

XOXO

Lori

The Woes of a Temporary Vegan: Part 1

taintedfishsticks 4 Comments

12 used to be my favorite number. But not today. I have exactly 12 days left of my 28 day Vegan Detox. Yes, if you can believe it, I made it through the first 16 days. I’d like to note that I just had to use a calculator to figure out how many days it’s been. This is because my brain doesn’t work anymore.

I am food deprived. I don’t care what anyone says about all the amazing vegan/gluten/sugar free recipes out there. They are still just combos of veggies, beans, weird grains, and tofu. I might puke if I eat another bean. That, or blow a hole in my pants from farting so much. And I think there’s a reason quinoa is an ‘ancient grain’. Because it’s old skool and needs to stay in the history books. (not that I’ve EVER seen it mentioned)

My pantry is completely foreign to me right now. It’s like I’m living in someone else’s house. I’m having flashbacks to childhood when I’d be afraid to eat at a friend’s because they ate things like ‘Bugles’ and put corn syrup on their pancakes. I open up my fridge and freak out at the sight of tofu and the 14 varieties of ‘alternate milk’ products. And why are they sold in a box? Is almond milk too good for a regular carton?

Did I happen to mention I think my 11 year old son is also starving? I can barely figure out what I’m going to eat, let alone make sure he has food too. This whole vegan thing has caused me to become a neglectful parent. For all I know, he stealing other kids lunches and trading his shoes for slices of pizza. He might have to live off his Halloween candy for the next couple of weeks. And not that I’d notice, because, again, my brain doesn’t work anymore.

I frickin want a piece of cheese. Anything melted will do. I dare not try any of the fake versions for fear I will actually die of total disgust. I have very few principles that I live by, but one definitely is, ‘thou shall not eat imposter meat or dairy products’. This includes tofu shaped like hot dogs or turkey, and rice milk formed into shredded cheese.

I am a lot of things, but I’m certainly not vegan. I’m not sure I even can applaud those who are. I feel they are so restricted and missing out on amazing food. Of course, maybe food isn’t such a big part of their life, like it is mine. And maybe they are more emotionally stable when it comes to accepting alternate protein sources.

What I AM, is particular and stubborn. I’m also a rule follower and rarely give up or back down. I believe I have met my match. The vegan detox may beat me. I am weak, and left with minimal willpower. Cheese enchiladas are calling my name. “Lori! We miss you!”. Did I mention I am also delusional? Clearly.

Why I’ve Gone Vegan and Other Ridiculous Decisions I’ve Made in Life

taintedfishsticks 3 Comments

It’s day one of a 28 day Vegan Detox I am participating in.  For the life of me, I can’t remember WHY I decided to sign up for this.  I even paid a few hundred dollars to participate and bought some interesting supplements that are supposed to help clean out my liver or something.  Part of the reason I can’t figure out why this is happening, is because I feel extremely caffeine and dairy deprived and have been in a bad mood all day.  No, caffeine is not anti-vegan (or whatever you want to call it), but since this is a ‘detox’, caffeine is the bad guy.  Oh, and so is booze and gluten.  Add those up and subtract them from the food world, and you get vegetables, fruits, seeds, nuts, rice, and TOFU.  You might see why I’m crabby.

Prior to starting this challenge, I read a bunch of information about why people choose to eat vegan, or why this is a good way to ‘clean out’ your system.  It all makes sense to me, but doesn’t change the fact that I’ve always thought vegan eating was for NPR listening weirdos.  Yes, be offended, but my favorite brother listens to NPR, he’s a total weirdo, but I still love him.  My point is, I don’t feel like I fit into the vegan category.  Like, if there were tryouts for some sort of vegan sorority, there’s no way I’d make it solely based on my love of hamburgers.

I went to my local co-op yesterday to stock up on organic produce and vegan-friendly ingredients.  I decided I was going to cook my way through this challenge and learn to eat some new things.  There are two things (everything) wrong with this plan.  I don’t really like to cook, and I hate trying new foods.  I grew up eating Top Ramen, Trix, Doritos, and salad.  (Yes, I’ve always liked salad).  It’s taken me 41 years to eat a lot of other foods and even learn how to prepare them in a healthier way.  This, in itself, has been a challenge.  Now take away some of my favorite foods, like coffee and dairy products, and I go into full on meltdown mode.

I know there are lots of people out there who eat vegan on a regular basis, which is great for them.  I’m guessing they also load up on coffee every morning and even eat bread.  This is the start of a short, but annoying journey for me.  One of many I have taken on in my life.  Like, putting an offer on a house we couldn’t afford, getting two cats, and trying to color my own hair when I was eight months pregnant.  I made it through all of these challenges, and more.  Some brought great rewards, many remorse.  Who knows where it will lead, but you better believe I’ll tell you about it.

The Biggest Loser…A Year Later

taintedfishsticks 5 Comments

I just realized it’s been exactly one year ago today that I did my final ‘dunk’ for the Ridge Summer Fitness Challenge. It was the end of 8 grueling and life changing weeks that took over literally my entire summer. Some of you joined me in the competition and some just followed my progress and weekly blogging. Throughout the challenge, my life changed physically, mentally, and spiritually.

My personal growth is attributed mostly to the fact that I took on a challenge that scared the crap out of me. I dislike exercise, and hate watching what I eat. I had to find a way to control the situation when I felt completely vulnerable. So, I asked for help. I worked with a nutritionist and met with a trainer, but, most of all, I prayed, and ask God to walk this journey out with me and give me the strength that I did not posses myself.

With God, my husband, and friends at my side, I took the challenge on the only way I knew how. ALL IN. I used the expression, “balls to the wall”, and lived that out. I don’t do anything half ass, and I DON’T like to lose. My personal strategy was to do everything possible to win. Along the way, I learned that also meant encouraging and inspiring others and not just focusing on myself.

After years of feeling unhealthy and a bit overweight, I exceeded my goals and won the competition. But, what I really won, was the renewed belief in myself.

So, here I am today, still feeling a renewed me, but carrying a heavy burden of disappointment, with a side of disbelief. You see, I’ve gained some of that weight back that I worked so hard to lose. And I’m feeling like it’s not possible for me to be “balls to the wall” again. That was really a one time deal. But, since I have a personality of extremes, I don’t know how to tackle this ‘one day at a time’.

I have some reasons or ‘excuses’ as to why I’ve put on a few. Everything from an injury, to our ‘extended winter’. Let’s just combine all of those into the bucket of ‘depression’. The king of all evils in my life who takes hold of me oh so easily. In a weird way, I think I let it take over, so I don’t have to really be accountable for anything at all.

My point? I want to feel that drive to exercise and eat well. I want to encourage and inspire others through my actions. I want to redeem myself and not feel like a disappointment to others who look to me as a role model. I want to find a way to beat this. I want to get off this hamster wheel and win the fight against this reoccurring battle with myself.

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