Friends

Until The Next Goodbye

taintedfishsticks 1 Comment

Day 17: March 27, 2014

Our next door neighbors just moved. 4th family to live in that house since we’ve been in ours. This family was there for such a short time, we didn’t really get the chance to know them well. The two families before that we became good friends with.

But they all moved.

Last summer our best friends moved from 2 blocks away to several thousand miles away. My brother and family moved 6 hours drive time away. My Uncle passed away.

People leave.

Not sure why I have experienced so many goodbyes in the last year. But I know it’s really sucked. My heart feels ripped out. And sad.

What are we supposed to do when we experience loss?

For me, MY answer is to just be sad and feel sorry for myself. I cry a lot about it. I get depressed. I decide that it’s not worth getting close to anyone else because they will probably leave too.

How can we experience life if we shut out opportunities to be with people?

We don’t. When we protect ourselves from hurt by being alone, we don’t ever experience life. God created us to do life with other people. The thing is, we don’t get to choose for how long that is.

People come into our life for a period of time.

If I had it my way, people in my life would stay forever. Of course any mean or annoying ones would not. But those who I adore would always be here with me. They would never move and they would never die.

But God’s perfect time is never the same as mine.

I have a long list of incredible people in my life that I have access to right now. And I’ve pushed them all out because I’m tired from loss. I’m weary from sadness.

And I’m missing out on living life with others.

Who knew it would be so hard for me to reach out and grab hold of my friends? Those who already love me and those who are probably just waiting for me to dig out of my hole. And I’m embarrassed to admit that I think I’ve known I’m intentionally staying here, even when I blame it on busy.

It’s time to let others back in.

And even if I know that people leave, for various reasons, it should never keep me away from enjoying the time I DO have with them. It should never determine my willingness to develop new relationships. It should never keep me from living right now.

Because right now is all the time we have for sure.

As I wrote about yesterday, part of being a Christ Follower is living life differently. One specific thing is to do life with others. Not ever wallow away by myself. And if I’m going all in for this, it’s time to take part is one of the best life-giving experiences ever – people!

Life is so much better with others to share it with!

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
    and the pleasantness of a friend
    springs from their heartfelt advice
Proverbs 27:9

Do you ever find yourself ‘hiding’ from the world? Do you use your busy to protect your heart?

this post  is part of a series called ’40 Days of Blogging’. Click the links to find other posts! Thanks for reading!

Broken Heart

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Gloria & I

Gloria & I

I have just returned from my first mission trip. We travelled to Tegucigalpa, Honduras to serve women and children there. My 13-year-old son was with me, along with 29 other amazing people from my church. While I am still processing all that God showed me on this trip, I know whole heartedly now why he called me to Honduras.

I was so afraid to go on this mission. My fear was crippling at times. Mostly it was the feeling of lack of control. Some of it was feeling I couldn’t meet the challenge of serving these people. And, finally, I was afraid of how God was going to change me through this.

A lot of preparation went in to this trip. Lots of meetings with our team, learning dances, extensive packing lists, medications, fund-raising, collecting supplies, and obtaining passports. All of these details helped with the overall organization of our trip and these were the things that caused me the most stress. But what really prepared us were the endless prayers over our team, the daily devotional readings, the bond we were creating with each other, and the plan that God had for each one of us.

My constant prayer to God was to keep me and the team safe from harm. I knew that we needed protection from attacks and from sickness. And I prayed every day that he would walk with us the entire time with a shroud of protection over us. And that he would be our hands and our feet. And he answered that prayer.

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Genesis 28:15

From the moment I stepped off the plane in Tegucigalpa, I felt God grab my hand and walk with me. My fears were left behind on the airplane, and the Holy Spirit took over my entire soul. I was His hands and feet, his voice, his heart. There is no other explanation for the peace I had the entire trip. God’s peace and presence is a power unlike any other.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19

That scripture was given to me from one of the women I serve with at my church before I left. When I received it, I didn’t understand fully why it was just for me and why God had put it on her heart to give it to me. But that’s how God works. He presents us with many messages, and when we listen and reflect on what he has done for us, we start to see his greater plan in our life.

God walked with me and removed my need for control on this trip. Everything we needed was provided for us. A clean place to sleep, nourishing food, safety, and strength. (The details) God also gave me everything I needed to serve the women and children. (His hands and feet)

What I wasn’t ever able to anticipate was what God had for me on this trip; How he wanted to change me. And that scared me most of all. Because change is scary when you aren’t the one handling it. But I now know that when you let God be the one to change you, the result is the most rewarding and powerful feeling you could NEVER imagine without experiencing it.

At one of our meetings, we spent time talking about prayer. Specifically how to pray over other people we feel led to pray for. We knew that the Honduran people we would serve may ask for prayer, or we may ask to prayer for them. And we didn’t know their language, so we had to rely completely on the Holy Spirit to guide our words. During this meeting, we were also asked to spend time asking God to reveal to us some glimpses of what we would experience on our trip. During that quiet time, we wrote down words that came to us. Here is my list:

Broken heart
Woman with beads
Child in a green shirt, orange pants
Hotel worker – female
Spanish
Flowers
Blue shirt man
grass
Carlos’ mom
heart necklace
John 1:15
arch/bridge

As I reflect on our trip, I can honestly say each and every one of the things on the list represents an experience I had there. When I wrote this list, I had no idea God was revealing to me EXACTLY what he had for me on this trip. And what I was most afraid of: Change.

You see, God did change me. And he did it through healing my broken heart. I had love showered on me from these people that I’ve never felt before in my life. There was one woman in particular who showed me to way to healing. Her name is Gloria. Through her love and her prayers for me, I was healed. And I have been praying forever to heal my broken heart so that I could receive love from others. I have been shielding my heart for a lot of my life and it had left me incredibly lonely. And by protecting my heart I had been missing out on the love God wanted for me from others and from the love He has for me. I knew I hadn’t given my whole heart to God, but I didn’t want to admit it. And I believe somehow I knew that’s what God wanted from me on this trip. And that’s why I was so afraid. Because I wanted to keep my heart to myself. I wasn’t ready to let it go. But God opened my heart fully to Him and I felt his full and complete love for the first time.

I will write more about my experience there and how these people didn’t need our love, hope, or faith. But instead, they showed us what it truly means to love God and love others. God bless the people of Honduras for their faith. We have a lot to learn here at home. And I pray I can continue to be God’s hands and feet to show others the way.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1

God showed me that I am worthy of his love. I am worthy to be called one of his children. And I am worthy to do his work in this broken world. And that is what I intend to do.

Project: Friendship

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bff1Make a list of the moments in your life when you’ve had to start over building new friendships. Which were the most challenging? The easiest? What made the difference? (From “Wonderstruck” Bible Study by Margaret Feinburg)

It’s been a few weeks since I answered this question during my daily homework session. But the thought continues to resonate through my entire soul. Certainly I couldn’t imagine a time when building new friendships was EASY. But what I do know, is that I’m in one of those places right this minute. In fact, I feel I’ve been here for a while now. A place where I’ve been stripped (pruned) of a lot of relationships in my life and I’m left feeling empty. I’m not a whole person right now. The companion element that true and deep friendship brings is absent.

Being aware that this cycle of friendships is apparently just another one of those things we deal with in life does not help my acceptance of it. I am a loyal person. A loyal friend. Often times too loyal. But I’ve realized my definition of loyalty is certainly skewed, because sticking with someone for better or for worse is really just sticking around to avoid dealing with loss. Additionally, this loyalty binds me into setting up expectations that others can never meet. A great way for me to unknowingly keep them at arm’s length so I never get hurt.

The core of this, again, is avoiding the feelings of loss. And certainly I’m realizing that I have a lot of work to do in this area. In the area of grieving. Because loss IS another one of those things we go through in life. And I have yet to accept that. I have yet to believe we have to lose people in our lives. I think it should be all unicorns and rainbows and all of us living together happily ever after. I don’t ever want to say goodbye to someone in my life. And especially when I don’t have the choice. Like when someone moves away, passes away, or simply walks away.

These circumstances, out of my control, are just some of the reasons relationships die. Sometimes its simply time to move on. Sometimes time and space separate. And sometimes God decides that the particular season of friendship is simply over. Whatever the reason, I’m learning to understand that moments in time with certain relationships should be cherished and fed. I need to feed the relationships I have the privilege to be a part of. I have to be diligent in making sure I am being the other half of the friendship. And I have to make sure my expectations are in check with that person right then. Right where they are. Otherwise, I’m pushing away something that I long for.

More so, I have to understand that true friendships are built over time. They have to be intentional and nurturing. They take time. They take cultivation. They take patience. They take liking and person before you love them. They take listening before you speak. They take grace before condemnation. They take forgiveness. And when I can implore these towards existing and new relationships, I might just experience what God has for me in regards to true friendships. To those relationships I crave. Honest, loving, grace-filled, laughter-filled, and life-giving.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

And I have the opportunity in front of me to build new relationships, and nurture existing ones, over time, that will flourish in the same way. And I am hopeful and joyful to know that. And I am thankful for the time I’ve had with some friends that simply ended. And holding on to that helps me know that I CAN let others into my life again, even if it’s not forever. And I can be more vulnerable to those friends I do have. Give them more of my heart instead of hiding it. If I don’t, I will be left with that empty feeling the rest of my days.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

Teen Mom: 13 Years in the Making

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SI am a mom. I am a wife. I am a blogger. I have multiple random jobs. And now, I have a son who is 13.

People say that, ‘time flies!’ and, “kids grow up so fast!” But, honestly, I think it has felt like exactly 13 years since he came into my life. Not a minute longer. Not a minute shorter. I feel like I’ve seen him grow and change in the perfect timing. And, even though I told him he’s not technically a year older until 10:50 tonight, I’m totally okay with the fact that he’s now 13.

I have, hands down, the most incredible son. God gave us just one child, and he outdid himself with this one. Sometimes I think we were only given just one because THIS one is enough. He’s like several people in one. And the perfect fit for our family. We were chosen to raise this amazing creature. And we’ve taken on the task in all seriousness.

My son is generous, compassionate, creative, driven, confident, talented, non-stop, and an old soul. With all that, he’s also just a normal 13 year old kid. He still fights with me. He still thinks he’s right all the time. He still needs reminding to brush his teeth and put his name on his math homework. And he still hugs me good night. Every night.

Many people compliment my husband and I on what a great job we’ve done raising him. And, you know what? I would agree with that. And I’ll take it. WE will take the compliment. Because he IS an incredible human being. However, we won’t take ALL the credit for who he is today. Our son’s life has been filled with so many people that have helped him along his way. That have loved on him, encouraged him, disciplined him, taught him, and prayed for him. We could never have raised such an outstanding person without a lot of help and influence from all of the pastors, teachers, caretakers, family, and friends in our lives. It takes a village.

So, today, on his 13th birthday, we celebrate the person he has become, and the person he is destined to be. And we thank each and every person who has touched his life in some way. But, most of all, we thank God for chosing us and others in his life to care for him. In His perfect timing, our son came into our lives, and the perfect people surrounded us and have brought our son to where he is today.

For his 13th birthday, our son has given up presents to help provide clean water to people around the world. Just a piece of evidence of his caring heart. Please visit his Charity:Water campaign page and consider donating in honor of him today. http://mycharitywater.org/noahs13thbirthdayforcleanwater

Pity: Party of One

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I would like to take this moment to give myself kudos for the amazing job I do at throwing myself pity parties.  No, seriously, I’m considering adding ‘pity party planner’ to my list of skills on my newly created LinkedIn profile. I’m positive I would get several endorsements for this incredible talent.  For certain, I’ve had enough years of experience to merit the notation.

If you know me, you know that I don’t do anything half ass. It’s all or nothing, all of the time. So, when I throw a party like this, it’s epic. Everything from the venue, food, drink, guest list, toast, and, of course theme (pity) are carried out down to the last detail. No expense is spared for an event such as this. The significance of said party is not to be underplayed.

To be more specific, I pick a venue that is close to home, or most often actually at my home. This allows space to flop or flouder, and plenty of doors to slam, cats to ignore, and family members to yell at. Food can be tricky, as sometimes it’s difficult to get the coffee tasting just right, or find a slice of cake at 10:30 in the evening. The guest list is very specific and exclusive. There is no room at a pity party for anyone other than the host (me). If anyone else tries to crash it, they will be met by the bouncer at the door (me) and quickly reqret their attempt to join in the fun.give up

The highlight of the party is always the carefully delivered, eloquently versed, and unequivocally truthful speech given by the host. Because this, my friends, is the core and the soul of the party itself. The reason for the gathering, and the purpose of the fanfare.  “Here’s to Lori, the woman we honor today. She is mostly useless, weighs more than she should, has nothing to offer the world, and has spent the last ten years or so watching tv dramas and dabbling in short term jobs. She has no party invites due to lack of friends, and is probably not fun to hang out with anyway. We raise our glasses to her extreme lameness! Cheers!”

At the end of the speech, I am fired up and ready for more! Let’s party like its 30-12 tonight! Bring on the junk food, the door slamming, and the yelling! Lock the doors so no one else can spoil the fun.

But, even I know that every good pity party must come to an end. Every event runs it’s course. And, eventually, it’s time to clean up the mess. But, when it’s time for the cleanup, my gifting runs dry. I can’t see past the truths of my speech and the giant mess I have made.

Thankfully, there is a cleanup crew already on task. Even though I didn’t hire them, they show up every time. As they begin to sweep up the debris, I notice my mood begin to change, and perhaps a tidbit of joy sneeking in. Like the sun shining through a clean spot on a dirty window. They scrub, and they wash, and they fix what is broken; my heart. And, finally, they present me with a new toast. One that speaks right to my heart. One that fills me up, instead of breaks me down. One that is REAL truth.

Who are these cleanup experts? They are my husband, they are my friends, they are scripture, and they are truth. They are all organized perfectly by Jesus to help me know what is real, and to break up my pity party. Because we aren’t meant to determine our own worth. God has already done that. We are beautiful, talented, loving, and perfect in his eyes. And he will always show us that truth when we care to listen.

So, next time you want to throw a party for yourself of the pity nature, check with God first, because I bet he has a better idea in mind.

 

 

Face vs. Facebook

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In a world of total exposure, the noise can turn into false reality.

WHAT?!

I’m talking about our perceptions of people and the fact that due to things like social media, we see a lot more of people’s lives than we ever did before. But what are we really seeing?

I want to let you know that I am not you and you are not me and he is not that guy and she is not that girl. I don’t have my act together and I’m not an incredible cook.

Sally Sue’s kids are a terror and she only posts pictures of them looking cute. She doesn’t tell you she had to bribe them with Twinkies to get them to shut up and smile.

Jimmy’s new job IS a blessing, but he totally hates the fact that he has no friends there and isn’t allowed on Facebook while on the clock.

Reposting a status in support of some person she’ll never meet who may or may not be sick does not mean Mary is going to save the world while you are watching Netflix.

Healthy living advice comes mostly from people who secretly eat Doritos and drink too much.

Kids with amazing grades are under a lot of pressure and may not make it through college.

Awesome vacations usually mean massive credit card debt.

Multiple ‘check-ins’ mean George goes anywhere he can not to be at home with his family.

Arm in arm group photos indicate booze consumption and temporary BFF status.

Social media IS a way to connect with others. It can be informational, inspiring, humorous, and overall entertaining. I am personally thankful for the connections of have made with many people I might not otherwise be in contact with. I am definitely not mad at Facebook. But, I often get sucked in, like many others, to the false reality presented. Not that people are mis-representing themselves, but that their time of joy is temporary, and is not representative of all the crap they may have going on behind it.

When you find yourself feeling like everyone else’s life is better than yours, stop yourself, because it’s simply not true. We are all a mess in our own personal circumstance and this is NORMAL. No one is living our same life and we should never want for someone else’s life. Especially if it’s all wrapped up in a status update.

Connect with friends in many ways. Spend time in person with people and find out what’s REALLY going on. Celebrate, encourage, inform, laugh, and cry with them. For real. And not through a comment or a ‘like’ button. Because we are meant to be in community with one another, and to be real face to face.

What You See Is What You Get

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People think I’m complicated. This is baffling to me. Honestly, what you see and hear is what you get. Yes, I said hear, cause I verbalize my thoughts and feelings. A lot.

I know a lot of people. The over 500 Facebook friend count doesn’t even scratch the surface of how many people I call acquaintance. No, I’m not being braggy, it’s just a fact. I’ve been around for 40 some odd years and have met a lot of people along the way. Many I’ve kept in contact with, and several I’ve chosen not to. (Or the other way around, as it may be.). In my life I always felt my worth was determined by others, which might be why I’ve tried so hard to stay on contact with people. For example, if someone appeared to not like me, or maybe didn’t include me in something, I felt crappy, like I wasn’t good enough for them. Like, why the heck wouldn’t people like me?! Because I’m complicated to some, apparently.

I would be lying of I said I still didn’t look to others to determine some of my worth. But, I can say, I’m working on this. Cause everybody’s not gonna like me, and I, for sure, don’t like everyone either.

With all the people I know, encounter, and keep in contact with, only a handful of them are part of my inner circle. These are the people that totally get me and understand why I don’t think I’m complicated. These are the people who accept me no matter what and who come to me when they want the truth. And these are the people that were put in my life for a reason. This circle isn’t static, because people come and go in your life. Some, like my husband, have always been there, but others have drifted away, perhaps to make room for someone new. But, what remains the same is me, and my role as friend, encourager, helper, and confidante. Because that’s who I truly am. And I don’t think that’s complicated at all.