Devotionals

Our Kids Need Saving Too

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Noah's Baptism

Noah’s Baptism

I found Jesus in my 30’s. Well, not like I FOUND him, you know, on a piece of toast or in a cave or something, but more like He found his way into my heart. I am thankful that God prompted both my husband and I to take our then four year old son to church. I love how God can use children to draw us to him. Because of us following that prompting, our son, now 13, was baptized at age six. On his own accord, and because of the love and teaching of his pastor (we love you Shelly) at the time, he gave his life to Jesus, and has never turned back. I love that we were able to give him the oppotunity to know and love God, and I love that our church provided that enviornment for him.

For my husband and I, it took us a little longer to be saved. And by saved, I mean, for us to dip our foot in the water, so to speak, and proclaim that we too were all in to follow Jesus. And we were baptized on the same night by our two pastors. It was incredible, and something I will never forget. And it started what is turning out to be a journey I never knew existed. It started changing our hearts, individually, healing our marriage, and closing up large wounds of our past. There’s a lot of work still to be done, or undone, I like to say, because we spent most of our life NOT following God, and not knowing his plans for us.

All of this prompted our work in children’s ministry. And by work, I mean serving there. We dove in head first with the goal to love on and save as many kids as we could that came through our church doors every Sunday. We worked with an incredible team of leaders and saw a lot of hearts changed.

Right this minute, I got up off my chair and started to walk away from my computer. Because my heart hurts and I don’t know how much more I can write. It hurts for all of the kids out there that don’t know Jesus. And I’m watching so many of them grow up without Him. And it brings me back to my youth, which, in all honesty, wasn’t so terrible, but it could have been so much more with Jesus leading my way. I want to yell and scream through the streets of my neighborhood and gather up all the wandering kids who don’t know where they are headed. I want to love on all of them and share how much Jesus wants to know them. Yes, that might be a little over the top. I’ve been told before that sometimes I speak louder than I need to and not always in love. I’m working on this.

But, seriously, my heart does hurt for kids who don’t know God. ALL of them. Even the ones that go to church each Sunday with their parents, but haven’t figured out how to have a relationship with Jesus yet. And that seed God planted in my heart has grown into a tree, I think. And God has prompted me, once again, to help lead kids to him. And he’s giving me all the help I need, of course.

I’ve been praying for a long time about becoming a volunteer for Young Life, which is just getting started here in my hometown. I was freaked out about it for a long time, but God never let me forget about that seed. And, through prayer, and growing closer to Him, he’s opening more doors for me, and I couldn’t be more excited about it! A program for middle school kids will be starting up in the fall, and I get to be a part of it. I can’t wait to reach out to kids who were right where I was all those years ago. I can’t wait to know them right where they are, with no pressure or agenda. I can’t wait to be an ear and a voice for them. And I can’t wait to see how their heart might change just because we’ve provided them a fun and safe place to hang out and be themselves. What an incredible opportunity to love on our youth, and I get to be a part of it!

So pray for me as I embark on yet another scary journey. Pray for those kids who I might be able to reach through this. And pray for our organization to reach those who need it.

Where is God prompting you to serve? What is on your heart right now?

Turn Down The Noise!

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I haven’t slept for two nights. And by that I mean I probably slept a few hours, but mostly tossed and turned. I want to blame it on the full moon, or the unusually warm weather, because external causes are easy to point fingers at. However, even IF those things affected my slumber, the real culprit is Me.

I’ve been feeling this extremely annoying stir in myself for quite a while. It’s sort of like the feeling of a knot in your gut, but mostly like I’m claustrophobic. Sometimes I feel like I want to run to a far away place and start my life again. Sometimes I just want to RUN (which I’m lame at). Sometimes I want to let go of all my worries and just experience joy for even five minutes. I feel trapped in my own self. I can’t seem to escape the constant noise blaring in my head. And it’s not just noise, but jumbles and jumbles and jumbles of thoughts. Worries, sadness, fleeting ideas, desires, plans, self hate, regret, what ifs, whys, confusion, doubt, and fear.

I would guess if a radio station (wait, let me be ‘hip’ and say ‘Spotify’ or ‘Pandora’) had a play list like the one that goes on in my head, they wouldn’t get a lot of listeners. I know I wouldn’t listen, I’d change the channel. So, why can’t I change THIS channel? The one that BLARES in my head 24/7? What keeps me tuned in?

I’ll tell you what; It’s that I CHOOSE to listen. I choose to focus on these thoughts. I choose to let these thoughts stir me up and make me feel trapped. I choose my OWN self over God. I hold on to all of this because I’m not willing to let go of the control. As long as I’M thinking about these things, and working to solve the problems and worries in my life, then I still have CONTROL. When you think about it, it’s like managing a bunch of idiots. You know, like if a group of people worked for you, but were all incompetent for their positions. But, instead of replacing them with qualified people, you just keep trying to micro manage the heck out of them, and then eventually just do the jobs yourself.

God is qualified to do the job of managing my life. He created me. He thought of me before he created the world. He’s got this. But I choose not to hire him to take control of my life. And, as I stumble through trying to manage the idiocy of the noise in my head, I grow farther and farther from Him. Thankfully, he’s got more patience than me, and he waits. He waits for me to turn to him. He has his hand on the volume knob. He’s ready to turn down that noise as soon as I ask him to.

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

This verse made its way into the jumble of my thoughts last weekend. And I held on to it tightly for a few days. And I understood what God was saying to me. And I let him take control of the noise for a little while. And then I took it back again because I didn’t see things changing. I didn’t see my problems solved yet. So I felt I needed to worry about them again. I let the sadness and anxiety creep back in. And, even though I’ve prayed and read the Word every day, the noise has washed out the message. So, here I am, again, wanting relief from my own self talk. And He is there. Again.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:18

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the ‘noise’ in your head? The ‘noise’ of life even? What brings you peace and relief from it? If you haven’t given the control to God yet, give it a try. I challenge you to find anything other than peace when you do so.

God – A ‘Theory’

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booksI went to Barnes and Noble the other day in search of books I needed for upcoming bible studies. I got there early and had to wait for the doors to open. I noticed I wasn’t the only one waiting, and felt like I was now part of the ‘I can’t wait for the bookstore to open’ club. It’s nice to see that people still like shopping at the store, instead of online. I love roaming the aisles and touching the books. I love the feel of having a book in my hand and bending down the corner of the pages. I worry that someday there won’t be any more bookstores, or libraries. That it will all be digital. That would be a very sad day for us visual folks.

What’s funny, is that I’m not a big reader. Or so I say. But, thanks to another new Facebook profile update, I decided to catalog the books I’ve read over the past couple years. I have them all shelved above my desk. There are a lot of them, so I guess I really DO read. The thing is, they are all non-fiction. You won’t find ‘Fifty Shades’ or whatever else is out there that EVERYONE is reading. They are all Christian and Nutrition titles. I guess these are my passions. I love to learn and I’ve been so fortunate to be led to so many great authors. And I guess that’s why I love to write about faith and nutrition. I guess my life’s passions and callings aren’t that mysterious, as I once thought they were.

Having been to B&N before for Christian books, I knew right where to go. However, it still usually takes me awhile to find the right aisle. ‘Fantasy’, ‘Horror’, ‘History’, ‘Sci-Fi’; I pass all of these aisles on my way to the ‘Christianity’ shelf. And I say shelf, because that’s about what it is. It’s not its own aisle. But one bookcase (maybe two), front and back. And they have only one of each title, so don’t plan on getting multiple copies of anything, even a Bible.

On this particular day, a title from an adjacent shelf caught my eye. The text was bold and big on a white cover. And it contained one of my favorite go-to descriptive words for people who are mean. I chuckled, and then took a picture of it. But when I looked at the photo, I realized how close this book was to the shelf of Bibles. And I looked up at the section, and saw that it was ‘Philosophy’. And, for that moment, I felt that deep pain I get when I think about how hard it is to follow God in a world that constantly creates its own ideas of how to be happy.

Being a Christ follower is hard. I mean REALLY hard. Because, for me, it means leaving my old life behind. The one that was so comfortable. Even if that comfort was really just misery. Do you know what I mean? We stay in our current circumstance so often because it’s familiar. Doesn’t matter if it’s destructive to our soul. It’s what we know and we don’t like change. Change is hard. Change hurts. And transforming your life through Christ is painful.

I live in the world. The world has some really awesome stuff in it. But is also has a lot of grossness. And the world promises happiness that is only temporary. And it’s through stuff, mostly. I like stuff. And stuff is okay, but basing my happiness on it is not. So, for that moment, those shelves illustrated how I feel as a Christ follower. I’m back in the corner, sandwiched between ‘Philosophy’ and ‘Sci-Fi’. And, because they are so close, I really could choose to believe what they have to show me at any time. I am constantly surrounded by worldly views. And even though I’m comfortable following God, there certainly isn’t a lot of support in the world to keep me there.

You see, God isn’t just another theory about how to be happy in life. God is real and God is Truth. The Bible is historical fact (did you know that?), but it’s not in the History section. I really don’t like that He is sandwiched on the shelves between theories and other make-believe ideas. But, that is my reality. That is OUR reality, as Christ followers. Even though many consider Christianity a ‘religion’ and just another ‘idea’, we hold on to our faith in the Truth that we know. In the Truth that we live and experience. If you are looking for a book about joy and peace in life, look past the worldly ideas and look to God. He is waiting for you. He loves you. And He has the answers.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5

Finding the ‘Good’ in Friday

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It’s Good Friday today. For most of my life I didn’t understand what that meant. I certainly didn’t understand that the literal significance of history on this day was anything but good. And even as I began my walk with Jesus, I maintained my ignorance regarding the ‘good’ of the day. You see, Jesus died on the cross on Good Friday. He was wrongfully punished by the world. He was perfect. He was without sin. But he took the worst punishment of all; death. Even though he didn’t ‘deserve’ it. It was God’s plan for him, however. And as God’s one and only son, he trusted Him. No matter what.

In all his perfection, Jesus was viewed, by many, as a terrible person. As a threat to the world. He was persecuted beyond belief. To death, actually. And he took it. He took it all. And he used EVERY one of these experiences to God’s advantage. He let every one know that his faith NEVER wavered. And he never stopped loving every single person, despite their imperfections.

When we choose to follow Christ, we are promising God to follow His commandments. Mostly, we are promising to love one another. Which sometimes means taking a beating when we are wrongfully accused. Putting aside our pride for humility. Loving others ANYWAY, even when they have hurt us. And forgiving others when they stomp on our heart.

Christ doesn’t ask us to be doormats to the world, but to be DIFFERENT in spite of what the world brings us. To show kindness, compassion, and love, just as He did. He dealt with more awfulness than I will ever see in my lifetime on earth, but he never stopped his mission to help others and to show them God’s love. And then he died for us. ALL of us. So that all of our sins would be forgiven and that we would have the opportunity for new life. A life free of our past sins. And this is why today is Good. And why God uses all tough situations for good. He doesn’t promise a worry free life. But he promises to use these experiences, no matter how tragic, for the Good of all of us.

If you don’t know the story of Good Friday, be like me and look it up. Here is some great scripture you can read. Luke 23 From the Bible. Which is historical fact, in case you didn’t know. Cause I didn’t years ago, and I like things that are facts. Because I believe them.

And, just so you know, I’m not just writing about Good Friday because it seems like the ‘right’ thing to do. I’m writing because today has NOT been a ‘good’ day. And my family is feeling personally today that persecution. And our natural tendency (sin) leads me to immediately want to retaliate. To say, “YOU ARE WRONG!!!” But my faith in Christ tells me otherwise. It reminds me that, “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28. And by trusting Him, and following Him, He will redeem this situation for good. And that’s more of a challenge than anything else in front of me right now.

I pray that today you might get a sense of who God is in a new way. I pray that you are encouraged to learn a little more. I pray that this Easter weekend, which brings Christ’s resurrection gives you hope in God’s Word. I pray that you understand that God is for ALL of us. And He loves YOU. And He wants you to know the love and peace that can come only from him.

Living the Uncomfortable Life

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I skipped my morning bible study reading because I told myself I was going to write today. I had a fabulous blog all thought out in the middle of the night. Of course, I haven’t a clue what it was about now. Even my 13-year-old tells me I need to keep a journal by my bed to record these ideas. I’m not sure when I will come to terms with the fact that my brain is such a jumble most of the time, I can’t possibly keep extra ideas in there for more than a few minutes. So, I’m going to write about what’s on my mind, right this minute.

The ‘jumble’, that is my mind, is on overload lately. I’m pretty sure when I speak to people it’s evident. I talk in circles and probably never really express what I’m trying to. And I want so much to let people know what I’m thinking. I what them to learn from my mistakes and wins. I want them to know they are loved. I want them to know I’m praying for them in a real intense way. I want them to know that I’m in this mess of life with them, and I want to make them laugh.

What am I talking about? Right. Circles again. I’m talking about the fact that my mind and my heart are pulled in so many directions right now, that I can’t give much of anything TO anything, or anyone. I asked God very clearly this year to bring me out of my ‘regular’ life, and challenge me. I told him I would trust him to carry me beyond my fears. I told him I was done living the ‘safe’ life and I wanted to know what else He had for me. That, in itself, what a bold step of faith. I mean, we ask God for lots of things, like help with a problem, to heal the sick, to mend a relationship, and to bring certain joy. But, how often do we ask him for MORE than what’s in front of us? How often do we tell him, ‘okay God, I know you have great things for me, so I’m gonna just wait here and let you handle things from now on’? Well, for me, I can honestly say I NEVER asked him for more.

Well, he’s answered my prayer. In a huge way. And, I can honestly say, my faith is wavering. My trust in Him presenting me with new opportunities is not solid. I feel he’s put me on overload. He’s given me MORE than I can handle. He’s doing exactly what I asked him and I’m all, “Wait! I’m not sure you totally understood what I asked you. I mean, I WANT what you want for me, but I probably need to be eased into it s-l-o-w-l-y.’

You know sometimes when you talk (or write) something out, the ridiculousness of your emotions hits you in the face? Well, mine just did. DUH! Look what I just wrote! God ANSWERED my prayer. He did EXACTLY what I asked. But, I haven’t received his answer with the full amount of faith that is required. And, He’s not surprised. He knew exactly what I would do. I would turn it into an overwhelming situation and FREAK OUT. He also knew I would waver in my faith in him, which allows Satan to creep into that ‘jumble’. But he doesn’t just ‘creep’ in, he JUMPS in. Full force. He uses self-doubt, confusion, and even sickness to drag me down.

But, what God also knew was that just the ASKING part was an incredible step in my faith. And He knows that it’s just enough for me to hang on to him for the ride. And it’s gonna be a FAST and bumpy one. And I’m NOT ready. And I’m freaked out. And that leaves me vulnerable. I have a choice to fix my eyes on Him anyway. I have a choice to reject the negative talk, and the push of Satan who wants me to fall back into my ‘regular’ life. And I have the choice to say ‘no’ to it all and get back into my comfort zone.

The truth is, I feel like I’m floating above the ground right now. That nothing is nailed down and nothing is safe. Nothing is ‘normal’ and everything is off-balance. So, I’m pretty sure this is all part of God’s plan, but I’d be okay if this weird floaty part would end very soon. And I want to have my eyes wide open when it does so I can understand what He’s doing, and bring my faith in Him back up to where it needs to be.

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

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We had these next door neighbors growing up that had HBO. This may not seem shocking, except that is was the early 80’s. They had a huge antenna on top of OUR roof, just so they could get the signal. They recorded every single movie and had a huge alphabetized and cataloged VHS collection. It was like having Blockbuster right next door, but free (to us). I was about 11 years old and the neighbors were 1 and 3 years younger than me. We watched TONS of scary movies. TONS. Movies like “Halloween” (still freaks me out), and “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” (the original). I have to tell you, I HATE scary movies. In fact, I still freak myself out when it’s dark in the house. Admittedly, I don’t step anywhere on the floor close to my bed if it’s dark. I take an extra-large step so that nothing can grab my ankles from under the bed. Yes, I do this. Yes, I’m 42.  I don’t know why I watched all those movies and I don’t know where any of our parents were. I won’t even watch cop shows because I freak out so much. I probably need some sort of hypnosis to remove the still fresh images of some of those films.

As a kid, movies pretty much encompassed all that I thought I was afraid of. They were tangible, and spoke to that certain fear part of the brain. But, what I didn’t realize, is that I was afraid pretty much all of the time, of everything. I was afraid of failure, rejection, sickness, loss, security, and insignificance.  I muddled my way through those years holding on to a thin thread of hope, and always wondering when it would finally snap.  I didn’t even know what that thread was made of, or who held the other end of it. And I so wish that I did.

In my early 30’s, I caught a glimpse of the other end of that string. It was God. But I didn’t understand really who he was and why he’d been helping me my whole life. I just knew if I kept seeking him, somehow that thread would strengthen and become my lifeline. And several years later, with continued seeking, it has become just that.  What I didn’t know, was that Satan is the one who has been running with scissors, chasing me my whole life, with only one mission: to cut that line.

If you are a Christ follower, you might know that the stronger your relationship with Jesus, the more Satan wants to take you down.  I guess that’s why some of the stuff that happened to me before I knew Jesus was not that awful. And, of course, everyone’s awful is completely different. God wanted me so much that he protected me all these years, even when I didn’t acknowledge him. And, when I did, that pissed Satan off majorly.  He brought out those big guns. The ones he started using on me when I was growing up. He tied into all my biggest fears.  You know, failure, rejection, sickness, loss, security, and insignificance. The thing is, he’s actually super crafty, because you wouldn’t think your negative inner voice and low self-worth come from somewhere else. In fact, most people think these thoughts are totally valid, and that the world determines our worth. We believe these to be 100% true. And that’s the crafty part of it, because they are 100% false.

Truth comes only from God. And his truth lives in the Bible. No where that I’ve seen does the Bible talk about how we aren’t able to be a whole person if someone rejects us, or if we lose something or someone in our life. The Bible doesn’t tell us to muddle along life being careful and mediocre because we might fail. It doesn’t tell us we’d better wait until we are fully prepared to start following God’s calling for our life. And it certainly doesn’t say you’d better be sure to follow what everyone else is doing in order to be accepted and loved.

With God on our side, our fears are moot. He promises that he’s already prepared us for what we are supposed to do. He’s prepared us to be significant. Even if we don’t realize it. He won’t send us a detailed list of all the things he’s laid out. But he will be there as you to step out in Faith and do it anyway. Do it blindly. “Do it afraid.” (Joyce Meyer)

The only thing stopping us from stepping out of our comfort zone is our Fear. And Fear comes only from Satan. And God is more powerful than he is. And God is on your side; he’s on your team. He’s holding your hand as you jump of the cliff into the unknown. And he isn’t letting go. And Fear is left behind.

You wouldn’t know it, but I’m afraid to write. I’m afraid it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid it will be useless. I’m afraid of being useless. I’m afraid of crossing the street at an intersection. I’m afraid of calling people and ordering pizza. I’m afraid to ask dumb questions. I’m afraid to accept some truths about myself. I’m afraid of saying I’m sorry. I’m afraid of forgiveness. I’m afraid of giving my heart away. I’m afraid I’m not good enough for anyone or anything. I’m afraid to share my faith. I’m afraid I’m a failure as a wife and a mother. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I asked God this year to bring me challenges. To open doors that had super scary things on the other side. To help me face the boogie man under the bed. I told him I trusted him enough to bust through my fear and that He would protect me. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s doing just what I asked. And, of course, this freaks me out. But, just like he said, he’s prepared me for this. In ways I never understood at the time. And I AM taking those steps (most of the time), and I found out that even in the scary, I feel calm. In fact, pushing past the fear (defeating it) makes me feel super good!

It’s time to stop being afraid of the dark. Of the lies. And start stepping out in Faith so that you can see the Truth that is waiting.

What are you afraid of? Do you feel called to do something that totally freaks you out? If so, it’s probably exactly what God wants you to do.

Here We Go Again…

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Seems like I’m back on the hamster wheel. Just when I think I’m gaining momentum and actually GETTING somewhere, I realize I’m in the same place I started. Do you think hamsters realize this? Because I don’t think they have much of a brain. Speaking of hamsters, I’m a former hamster killer. I had them as pets as a child, stinky cage and all. And didn’t care for them properly. Found one dead in the cage once. Cause of death: Dirty cage. It’s a wonder God trusted me to care for a human.

We have very complex brains, unlike the hamster. Yet, we can run on a revolving wheel much the same way without ever realizing we aren’t going anywhere. We go faster and faster, get stronger and stronger, and then we stop, look up, and see we are in exactly the same place. This relates to ALL areas of life, but I would guess that pretty much everyone can relate this to finances.

Without quoting any specific statistic, I know for a fact that finances are the number one cause of divorce in the US. And if it hasn’t caused divorce, it certainly causes stress and tension in our life and relationships. I’m not talking about the LACK of money, but the MANAGEMENT of money. What we do with what we are given. What we do with what God has loaned us. We are stewards of HIS money. And, therefore, he provides us opportunities to show him we can manage it wisely, whatever the amount.

God has given my husband and I LOTS of ‘opportunities’ (tests) with money. LOTS. Sometimes he’s given us what I consider TONS of money to work with. The parable of the talents in the Bible talks about this. If you don’t know the story, check out Matthew 25:14-30. I think, most of the time, we are the third guy in this story. We totally blow it. And we come back to God with exactly what we started with. We run the hamster wheel fast, and make no headway with what he’s given us.

Like the bible talks about, God gets pissed off at the third guy. And rightly so! It’s like when you give your kid $20 to buy a hot chocolate and he comes back with that, a giant cookie, and $11 in change. Hey! That’s MY money! And you just wasted it. We are wasting God’s money.

When God is not happy with what we’ve done, he brings us back to where we started again. This time with less. And this time, with conviction on our hearts.

You see, we’ve always had everything we need. EVERYTHING. And probably more than that. But as soon as we get everything in check with our finances, opportunities come up for us to receive more income. And EVERY time, we mis-manage that ‘extra’ money. We literally don’t manage it. We just spend it. We don’t consider it part of our budget. We don’t really consider it at all. And that’s like saying, “Oh, hey God. No, you don’t need to worry about this. We got it. This is our EXTRA. Thanks for providing that for us so we don’t have to stress out about buying things we don’t need.”

Crap. Just writing that out solidifies the fact that we are morons. We have tiny hamster brains. We live to run on the wheel of the world. And not care that we aren’t going anywhere. Not a worry about being stewards to God’s wealth.

Well, the wheel has stopped. Again. And as we look around, we are scared out of our minds of the familiar territory. Higher taxes, job changes, big life decisions, and most certainly God, have put us in a very different financial place. Something we knew was coming, yet didn’t spend a second preparing for.

God has presented us with another test. Feels like a final exam. He’s given us all the information. We’ve had plenty of homework, quizzes, projects, and group discussions. He has prepared us as much as he can. And that’s all he can do. It’s time for us to apply what we know, have faith in His teachings, and ACE this one! Prayers welcomed.

How is God testing you in your finances? Do you understand that nothing on this earth belongs to us? That we are just here to take care of it? Does that change how you think about how you manage your money? I hope it does.

Are you there God? It’s me, Lori

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When my son was in the 3rd or 4th grade, he brought home the book, “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” by Judy Blume from the school library. Having read this book as a young girl, I knew the highlight of this tale. And I wasn’t ready for my son to read about it. I’m guessing because we had read other books by the same author, he was drawn to this. I kindly suggested to him that he really wouldn’t like the book because it was written for girls. In my head I’m thinking, “Why the HECK did the school librarian let him check this out and leave ME to deal with it???”

Oh, the challenges of parenthood. If you have ‘older’ kids, I bet you get that question all the time from  young parents, asking if it gets ‘easier’ as they get older. “HA!” I often say. No. It’s more challenging in an emotional and intellectual way. The older they get, the smarter they get, and your tricks no longer work. Oh, and you have to make sure you are setting a good example, and raising them up to be responsible, God-fearing, and generous adults. Cause they aren’t under your 24/7 watch anymore. No. It’s not easy.

But, I’ve come to understand, that NOTHING that is worthwhile in life is EASY. Not. At. All. Which brings me to a realization that I have basically skated through life participating in almost nothing that brought me out of my ‘comfort zone’. Nothing that truly challenged my belief in myself. And certainly nothing BIG that God has in store for me.  Yes, I’ve done A LOT (of stuff). Yes, I’ve accomplished things that seem pretty big. Yes, I’ve contributed to things that have made a difference. But, all of these, were still in my comfort zone. Even if they were on the very edge.

I can honestly say I have barely dipped my toe in the pool of challenge. At the same time, I can also say that I’ve claimed to. I’ve built myself up sometimes to believe I hurdled over gigantic obstacles and came out better on the other side. Yes, I have overcome things. Yes, I have grown in a positive way from these experiences. But, there’s just something so familiar about every challenge I feel I’ve taken on. And familiar typically means comfortable. Similar. Something I understand. Something I am prepared for. Something I have control of. Which, in my new understanding, does not qualify as a true CHALLENGE.

I am not here to say I am worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Not in any way. I am super proud of things I’ve done and even surprised at a lot of it. Things like parenting. I’ve done a great job, alongside my husband, to raise an incredible kid. And EVERYONE who becomes a parent for the first time knows that this is the biggest challenge of life. It rocks your world in every direction, and you are never prepared for it.

But since that time, what HAS rocked my world? I mean, I’m trying to cut coffee for the next month and I can’t even bring myself to do that. And to me THAT is huge. Which, when I think about it, is so small. When did coffee rule my world? Wait. That’s probably another blog, because I think my love for coffee is up there with my love for Nigel, my car.

I’m feeling a looming challenge ahead. And I’m TERRIFIED to say the least. And it might not even be a THING, but a sin or, dare I say AGAIN…Control.

Giving up control and truly living by faith could be every Christ follower’s biggest challenge. I mean, God made us all full of personality and brains, and then he tells us HE wants to be in charge? But I’M in charge? I’M the boss of me!

Sounds a lot like parenting older kids. They are full of this personality and brains I speak of, and certainly want to be in control at all times. This frustrates the heck out of me as a parent. It makes me feel insignificant much of the time. I can imagine how frustrated this must make God. When all he wants is the best for us. And all he asks is that we listen to what He’s saying, and DO IT. We let HIM be in control of our lives.  How insignificant we make him feel when we turn from him and walk our own path.

So, God, I get it. You want me to walk by faith and give up my control. Which pretty much translates into every single thing in my life. I know that YOU know I can do this. But I also know that you know I don’t believe I can. So, please, walk with me through this. Show me the way. And help me give up that control to you so I can truly know what GREAT things you have in store for me. Amen.

Pity: Party of One

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I would like to take this moment to give myself kudos for the amazing job I do at throwing myself pity parties.  No, seriously, I’m considering adding ‘pity party planner’ to my list of skills on my newly created LinkedIn profile. I’m positive I would get several endorsements for this incredible talent.  For certain, I’ve had enough years of experience to merit the notation.

If you know me, you know that I don’t do anything half ass. It’s all or nothing, all of the time. So, when I throw a party like this, it’s epic. Everything from the venue, food, drink, guest list, toast, and, of course theme (pity) are carried out down to the last detail. No expense is spared for an event such as this. The significance of said party is not to be underplayed.

To be more specific, I pick a venue that is close to home, or most often actually at my home. This allows space to flop or flouder, and plenty of doors to slam, cats to ignore, and family members to yell at. Food can be tricky, as sometimes it’s difficult to get the coffee tasting just right, or find a slice of cake at 10:30 in the evening. The guest list is very specific and exclusive. There is no room at a pity party for anyone other than the host (me). If anyone else tries to crash it, they will be met by the bouncer at the door (me) and quickly reqret their attempt to join in the fun.give up

The highlight of the party is always the carefully delivered, eloquently versed, and unequivocally truthful speech given by the host. Because this, my friends, is the core and the soul of the party itself. The reason for the gathering, and the purpose of the fanfare.  “Here’s to Lori, the woman we honor today. She is mostly useless, weighs more than she should, has nothing to offer the world, and has spent the last ten years or so watching tv dramas and dabbling in short term jobs. She has no party invites due to lack of friends, and is probably not fun to hang out with anyway. We raise our glasses to her extreme lameness! Cheers!”

At the end of the speech, I am fired up and ready for more! Let’s party like its 30-12 tonight! Bring on the junk food, the door slamming, and the yelling! Lock the doors so no one else can spoil the fun.

But, even I know that every good pity party must come to an end. Every event runs it’s course. And, eventually, it’s time to clean up the mess. But, when it’s time for the cleanup, my gifting runs dry. I can’t see past the truths of my speech and the giant mess I have made.

Thankfully, there is a cleanup crew already on task. Even though I didn’t hire them, they show up every time. As they begin to sweep up the debris, I notice my mood begin to change, and perhaps a tidbit of joy sneeking in. Like the sun shining through a clean spot on a dirty window. They scrub, and they wash, and they fix what is broken; my heart. And, finally, they present me with a new toast. One that speaks right to my heart. One that fills me up, instead of breaks me down. One that is REAL truth.

Who are these cleanup experts? They are my husband, they are my friends, they are scripture, and they are truth. They are all organized perfectly by Jesus to help me know what is real, and to break up my pity party. Because we aren’t meant to determine our own worth. God has already done that. We are beautiful, talented, loving, and perfect in his eyes. And he will always show us that truth when we care to listen.

So, next time you want to throw a party for yourself of the pity nature, check with God first, because I bet he has a better idea in mind.

 

 

When is ‘Enough’, Enough?

taintedfishsticks 2 Comments

This morning, while catching up on some missed bible study lessons from the fall, I was presented with a compelling question; Is God Enough? Or, do I want just a little bit more? As a Christ follower, Jesus is supposed to be my everything. But as a person, living in the world, I don’t think I give him that title, or believe he is ‘enough’.

Even Jesus’ disciples struggled with this. They spent tons of time with him, with God, and still asked for more. “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” John 14:18. They wanted physical proof that God exists, even though they were walking with him the entire time.

Many people don’t believe God exists at all. Maybe it’s because they have struggles in life, or maybe it’s because they don’t believe what they can’t see. The thing is, it doesn’t matter if you believe in God, or not, life still has struggles, and we still won’t ever see God here on this earth. Following Jesus doesn’t make your life awesome and without mess. Instead, it provides you with the instructions on how to navigate this world and the challenges in it. As a Christ follower, you understand that God’s instructions are simple, yet majorly impactful. Following God brings peace and comfort during terrible times, and joy and thanksgiving to follow. God is not out to get us EVER. Instead, he is for us ALWAYS. And he will help guide us through the ups and downs of life every single step of the way.

And we will never see him there. But we know that he is.

The truth is, physical proof of God’s presence is all around us. I know it’s all around me. But, if I’m not focused on Jesus, I won’t see it. Because God rarely presents my answered prayers in the way I expected. And he pretty much never shows me a path that I planned out ahead of time. He certainly doesn’t give me a to do list each day with bullets and priorities, just how I’d like it.

But, in all honesty, I want these things. I want clear instructions. I want a detailed list. I want things to happen quickly, and I want to be happy all the time. I want God to show up one morning for coffee and give me all the inside details that I just don’t understand. I want a ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ when I ask him if I should do something. I want to know the future, and I want to know exactly what heaven looks like. But, mostly, I want everyone in the world to know God.

And when I spend time in prayer, I don’t see him sitting next to me, or feel him wrap his arms around me, but he does. All day long. He walks with me, he talks with me, and most importantly, he loves me unconditionally. He knows me better than anyone. And he is FOR me. Always. And he is here for you too. Whether you believe it or not.

So what else DO I need? Certainly, God should be enough.

Is God enough? Is he even anything to you? Are you finding what you need in this world? Because YOU are enough and everything to him. What’s holding you back from finding out?