I’ve spent a large percentage of my adult life as a COSTCO member. Seemed so ‘elite’ when I paid to get my first card.  Then I realized what a crock it was to pay to ‘save’ money.  Kind of like spending 40
hours a week clipping coupons to get stuff ‘free’, and then ending up on the next episode of ‘Hoarders’.  But I digress…  Many people know I’ve been on a Costco soapbox on several occasions, ranting about the overspending, due to impulse buying, that happens there frequently. It’s not only the overspending tendencies and ‘pay to play’ issues that have lead me to let my membership lapse a few times, but the incredibly annoying patrons of this god forsaken place.

I have countless stories, but since I’ve just returned from a shopping trip, I’d like to share my most recent experience here.

I met my husband at Costco this afternoon to ‘combine and conquer’ our shopping trip.  He left work early to join me, and we have deemed events like this are our ‘dates’. Don’t feel sorry for us, cause we actually get to spend a significant amount of child-free time together. Although it’s probably sad that Costco would be our choice of the day.

After chit-chatting with a friend outside, and then navigating around an abandoned cart, we made
our way into the glorious and elite world of Costco Issaquah.  It was easy to resist the urge to buy an XXXL dog bed and 4000lb bag of dog food set right inside the door.  The cans of processed chicken and tires were also not tempting.  We joked about the state rival college sweatshirts and checked out the toilet seat of wonder. I’m not sure I really want to know why it has ‘heated water’.  About that time, we had almost arrived at the produce section and noticed the beginnings of Christmas had shown up.  Just some ribbon and battery operated candles, but I know soon it will be yards of wrapping paper and creepy
oversized animatronic statues.  At this point, my husband turned to me and said, “I have been in a foul mood all day.”  He might has well have said, “I’m packing heat, and nobody lives.”

I knew we were definitely in the wrong place and had to strategize on how to quickly get through this maze without my husband going all WWE on one of the other shoppers.

Let’s talk for a moment, shall we, about the Costco clientele. I will refer only to our neighborhood Costco, as yours might be different.  Who ARE these people?  And WHERE did they come from?  Seriously.
Yes, I realize that I am actually shopping there too, but I try to at least keep my brain turned on while navigating the aisles.  Speaking of aisles, they are PLENTY big enough for the large carts to pass through, however, frequently they are blocked by idiots who are unaware of the workings of the Costco Highway.  They have planted themselves at the ‘View Point’ to stare at piles of strawberries or a case of gigantic muffins.  And please, don’t pretend that because you might have been born in another country that you are unaware of general public graces.  If you truly are, maybe you should move back.  (In case you are offended, call me a racist or whatever, but as a disclaimer, I turn into an entirely different person when I’m shopping here, and when I’m driving.  Otherwise, I’m quite accepting of all people).

Back to our adventure….  We made it through fruits and veggies with a near miss mow-over of an annoying woman in the refrigerator room asking where the coupon bag of vegetables was and the Costco employee blocking the entrance with a leaning tower of empty boxes.  I’m sure he was on his way to the check stand to drop them off so that incompetent ‘baggers’ could overload them making it
impossible for a patron to lift it out of their cart and into their car.

We then by-passed the 26lbs of ground beef and the entire aisle of sausages.  This led us directly into cart cluster #1, AKA, ‘the vortex’.  Somehow, the intersection of take home meals to feed 20 and the side section of remaining food items, seems the appropriate place to start the sample mayhem.  As if these people needed MORE food, they have to stop at each and every table for the cupcake holder of whatever.  Luckily, my husband’s self-sensor went off,and he veered right to avoid the craziness.
He circled back around the HALLOWEEN COSTUMES and met me in front of the cracker aisle.  Only to be trapped by more sample hounds.  With all patience gone, he then pushed his cart, ever so lightly, into the blocking patron so they were forced to wake up out of their sample coma and move aside.

Reaching the first cold case aisle, my husband accessed the crowd and decided to ‘meet me on the
other side’.  Cart-free, I was able to dodge between more lookie-loos and grab a couple frozen items.  Thankfully, while waiting for me, my husband had a momentary bond with another shopper who said, “This is worse than the parking lot!”.  It’s always nice to find some ‘normal’ in the middle of the mess.

Our final encounter was the woman with the 3 year old who was NOT in the cart, and really should
have been.  He was in the way of everyone, and had not a clue that he was not the only person in the world.  I’m surprised my husband didn’t pick him up and place him in his mom’s cart.  That, or suggest she put a leash on him.

I don’t think I really got to the ‘love’ part of this story. And I’m not sure I know what that is.
Costco does seem to carry a few items that I can’t live without, which I guess gives me a reason to put myself through this torture again another day.