When my son was in the 3rd or 4th grade, he brought home the book, “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” by Judy Blume from the school library. Having read this book as a young girl, I knew the highlight of this tale. And I wasn’t ready for my son to read about it. I’m guessing because we had read other books by the same author, he was drawn to this. I kindly suggested to him that he really wouldn’t like the book because it was written for girls. In my head I’m thinking, “Why the HECK did the school librarian let him check this out and leave ME to deal with it???”

Oh, the challenges of parenthood. If you have ‘older’ kids, I bet you get that question all the time from  young parents, asking if it gets ‘easier’ as they get older. “HA!” I often say. No. It’s more challenging in an emotional and intellectual way. The older they get, the smarter they get, and your tricks no longer work. Oh, and you have to make sure you are setting a good example, and raising them up to be responsible, God-fearing, and generous adults. Cause they aren’t under your 24/7 watch anymore. No. It’s not easy.

But, I’ve come to understand, that NOTHING that is worthwhile in life is EASY. Not. At. All. Which brings me to a realization that I have basically skated through life participating in almost nothing that brought me out of my ‘comfort zone’. Nothing that truly challenged my belief in myself. And certainly nothing BIG that God has in store for me.  Yes, I’ve done A LOT (of stuff). Yes, I’ve accomplished things that seem pretty big. Yes, I’ve contributed to things that have made a difference. But, all of these, were still in my comfort zone. Even if they were on the very edge.

I can honestly say I have barely dipped my toe in the pool of challenge. At the same time, I can also say that I’ve claimed to. I’ve built myself up sometimes to believe I hurdled over gigantic obstacles and came out better on the other side. Yes, I have overcome things. Yes, I have grown in a positive way from these experiences. But, there’s just something so familiar about every challenge I feel I’ve taken on. And familiar typically means comfortable. Similar. Something I understand. Something I am prepared for. Something I have control of. Which, in my new understanding, does not qualify as a true CHALLENGE.

I am not here to say I am worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Not in any way. I am super proud of things I’ve done and even surprised at a lot of it. Things like parenting. I’ve done a great job, alongside my husband, to raise an incredible kid. And EVERYONE who becomes a parent for the first time knows that this is the biggest challenge of life. It rocks your world in every direction, and you are never prepared for it.

But since that time, what HAS rocked my world? I mean, I’m trying to cut coffee for the next month and I can’t even bring myself to do that. And to me THAT is huge. Which, when I think about it, is so small. When did coffee rule my world? Wait. That’s probably another blog, because I think my love for coffee is up there with my love for Nigel, my car.

I’m feeling a looming challenge ahead. And I’m TERRIFIED to say the least. And it might not even be a THING, but a sin or, dare I say AGAIN…Control.

Giving up control and truly living by faith could be every Christ follower’s biggest challenge. I mean, God made us all full of personality and brains, and then he tells us HE wants to be in charge? But I’M in charge? I’M the boss of me!

Sounds a lot like parenting older kids. They are full of this personality and brains I speak of, and certainly want to be in control at all times. This frustrates the heck out of me as a parent. It makes me feel insignificant much of the time. I can imagine how frustrated this must make God. When all he wants is the best for us. And all he asks is that we listen to what He’s saying, and DO IT. We let HIM be in control of our lives.  How insignificant we make him feel when we turn from him and walk our own path.

So, God, I get it. You want me to walk by faith and give up my control. Which pretty much translates into every single thing in my life. I know that YOU know I can do this. But I also know that you know I don’t believe I can. So, please, walk with me through this. Show me the way. And help me give up that control to you so I can truly know what GREAT things you have in store for me. Amen.