Haven’t you heard? 40 is the new 30 and 30 is the new 20! What in the world does that even mean? I really think it’s a way to soften the blow about the reality of getting older. A 40 year old body is still technically 40, and I know for sure my body was ‘younger’ at 30 than it is now.

It’s been said that age is a matter of how you feel inside. I guess they mean emotionally, or perhaps maturity has something to do with it. When I really started to think about it this way, it made a lot more sense to me. And when I reflected on my past, I came to the conclusion that 20 was the new 30, 30 is the new 50, and 41 is the new 15.

Throughout my life I’ve experienced many depressing times. Depression runs in the family, along with youthful skin. It all balances out, right? Not only during periods of depression, but also periods of personal growth, have I felt a different emotional age than physical one.

I have to say when I was ‘in my 20’s’ I felt like I needed to be older than I was. Don’t get me wrong, I was still reckless and immature, but I had my sights set on a certain life, and was working hard to be the person I thought I was meant to be. Just after my 20th birthday, my dad died. I reacted like any other YOUNG person would, business as usual and continued to keep things going as if nothing had changed. Becoming emotional would have been the immature way to handle it.

As I continued to ‘grow up’, I got my first and second career jobs, got married, bought a house,and had a baby. I was on the perfect path, and had achieved all of this before my 30th birthday. Somewhere along the way, I forgot about myself. I continued on the path of success and let go of the journey to true happiness. I grew up too fast because I thought that’s who I was.

My 30s were tough. Emotional and spiritual growth were knocking hard at my door. More life lessons than I ever wanted to learn were thrust in front if me on a constant basis. All the things I had worked for and that fit into my perfect plan were falling apart. Marriage, career, friendships, growing my family, health, finances, and more. Without all these things, I had no clue who I was. To be honest, I have almost no recollection of that entire decade of my life.

Starting at about age 36, the reality of turning 40 really hit me hard. My body was freaking out in all kinds of ways which made me feel like I was just around the corner of old age. I felt so physically and emotionally weak, and I let it get the best of me most of the time. I saw that looming number as a road block to any further growth or happiness in my life. I might as well have been inviting death to come over and rid me of my misery.

Those next three years were pivotal in my life, and I can’t imagine where I would be today if God had not interceded this mess by placing some incredible people in my life. Through these amazing people, I learned again who I really was and what my purpose on this earth is. I have a burden on my heart to help people, and my work here is no where near complete.

The summer of my 40th birthday was incredible! I took control of my physical and mental health with God at my side. It was a celebration of my life that I have yet to live. One that I don’t need to plan anymore. That’s already been done for me.

I remember my 15th birthday well. It was the last sleepover party I had. Several of you who will read this were there. We played at Coulon Beach Park all day, dressed in matching Gorton’s t shirts, courtesy of my dad, grubbed on hamburgers, and slept outside in my backyard. It was a celebration of my life with my best girlfriends and my family. It was a pivotal year for me and a lot changed over that last year. I grew up emotionally and loved who I was.

So today, on my 41st birthday, I can honestly say, 41 is the new 15.